proverbs25.25

new address!!

2007-04-17T16:33:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to keep my posts up on here.. but I apparently forgot one the other day. ~ That's what happens when you try to keep up with too many sites at one time... I am now posting on wordpress and have been copying the new posts and pasting them onto my blogger account. It worked pretty well in the beginning, but then I began overlooking it accidentally...

I am still posting. Just to let you know. :) Not as regularly as I would like to, but I am still writing just the same. I wanted to keep up my posts on blogger because I know of some people who read it on here specifically.

At this point, I think I am going to just be posting on wordpress, but I intend to leave my blogger address up and running. Every so often I will probably check back and update with some newer posts.

My address at wordpress is: http://pianogirl.wordpress.com, and I imported everything from blogger onto this address. It is nice because it has stats and so many more options than blogger. Plus I think it's easier to use. I was somewhat skeptical when a friend of mine first told me about it, but I quickly shared her opinion. ;)

So.. anyway, thank you all so much for reading, and for your input and feedback on my writing. I so love to hear your thoughts. :) Feel free to drop by my page at my other address!

Looking up while the world looks on,
Tara :)
*1 John 2:5-6*

following Christ

2007-04-17T16:30:00.000-05:00

Yesterday morning I was sitting in open lab for my digital design class, and as we worked, a friend in my class and I talked. Just like most Monday mornings this semester. Well, I forget just exactly how this came up, but somehow we began talking about the job she had before deciding to come back to school.

She told me that she’d shared a job with another girl, and this girl made it a point to tell her that she is a “Christian.” My friend said this girl had “religious icons” all over their shared work space. You’d think that, especially after putting such an emphasis on being a “Christian,” she would at least make an effort to live it out.

My friend described to me her time of working with this girl… she was constantly belittling my friend, talking about her behind her back, emailing other co-workers and telling them not to send work to her because she didn’t know what she was doing (on their shared email address!)…
I cannot completely express how sick this made me feel, to hear what this girl had put my friend through. I know I have written on this topic so many times, but I really believe it cannot be stressed enough.

The New Living Translation says it like this, “Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” (John 13:35)

Hypocrisy is so unattractive. Nobody wants to be around somebody who says one thing and does another. Nobody wants to be like them. When people don’t live what they claim (or.. when they don’t claim what they live..), that turns people off, and I really cannot say that I blame anybody who says they don’t want any part of Christianity because of all the hypocrites they know. It breaks my heart to see and hear people saying this, to know that there are people in the church today who are ruining the church’s reputation and pushing others away.
Honestly, this is a major reason for my decision to not go out and tell people directly that I am a “Christian” when I started at my college. I know this statement can be so easily misinterpreted, so please.. let me explain myself. Because of the way many people view Christians these days, I decided to conduct an experiment of sorts. If people asked me, I would definitely tell them that, “yes, I am a Christian.” But I was not going to go around saying that to everybody I ran into. I wanted to have a chance to escape the stereotypes; I didn’t want to gain a reputation before having the chance to make one for myself. I decided that I did not want to rely on my words to tell others what I believe… I made the choice instead to rely on my actions and the way I live my life. I guess I figured that if these things were not enough to show others that I follow Jesus, then there’s something wrong. If these things were not enough to speak of the One I love, then it would be better for all of us that I not tell anybody that I claimed I was a Christian, because I would be just another hypocrite.

I am not at all advocating not speaking up and sharing what you believe. I’m all for telling others about God and His love. But if we are going to go and share with our words, then we need to make sure that our lives reiterate what we are speaking. Because.. otherwise.. we’re just turning people off. We are not giving them an accurate picture of who Jesus really is.

I can’t even tell you how many people I have come in contact with - even in just these past two semesters - who had an experience with a “Christian” who didn’t live what they said they believed.. I have had the same basic conversation as the one I had with my friend in class yesterday morning.. so many times.

If I am ever living so that my words and my actions don’t line up with each other… I want to know. I want people to come to me and tell me. Please. I don’t want to be a part of pushing people away or turning them off to the beautiful love of God. I want to live to be an example of how Jesus loves us.

I want people to notice that there’s something different about me. I want it to be obvious that I love and follow Jesus. — Through my love and compassion for others, through the way my words and actions match up, through the things I say and don’t say… I want it to be said of me that I am a follower of Christ.

let it shine..

2007-04-17T15:32:00.000-05:00

April 12, 2007

So.. there are three more weeks in my semester before finals week. Then comes graduation. Everybody says that is so exciting.. and I can see that. Yes, it is exciting. At the same time, though, I am finding it somewhat depressing. I’ve spent the past three years in school, and honestly, I really enjoy it. So maybe I’m crazy. But I tend to enjoy what I’m doing.

The attitude we take into whatever our circumstances happen to be can have such an impact on how we look at things and how others see us… and it is contagious. If we take a negative attitude to school with us and complain about everything that comes up, others are going to see that. They’re going to complain too, have nothing encouraging to say, and they are not going to want to be around us.

It works the other way, too, though. If we take a smile to school, and when things might not be going our way we find something to be glad about and smile anyway, people will notice that too. Just smiling and saying hi as you walk through the hallways can have such a ripple effect… you never know when a smile is all it takes to brighten someone’s day and make them feel loved. It might even save their life. You never can tell…

Anyway, I got off on a little bit of a rabbit trail there..

At the beginning of my fall semester at Edison, I wrote something about wanting to make my time at school count. I didn’t want to waste any moment.. but instead take advantage of it all. I didn’t want to miss any opportunity to help someone out or to smile or to make a new friend. I can honestly say that I’m pretty happy with the way fall semester went. I made so many new friends. I’ve seen how much influence and impact I can have on others, just by living for Jesus.
But.. now it’s gone. And not only is fall semester gone, spring semester is nearly there as well. There is not much time left. It makes me really think.. how much emphasis do I place on what needs to be emphasized.. on the things that are truly important, the things that make a difference in life? How much do I focus on the stupid little things that will never matter?

Just as I went into the fall semester wanting to make a real difference, I want to end my time at Edison in the same way. I’ve got four more weeks there.

“like the sun swallowed up by the earth, like atomic bombs in reverse, as if a glass could contain the sea, that’s the way You are in me…” (by the Afters)

That is what I want. I want to have so much of God in my life that it’s like an atomic bomb in reverse, like the sun swallowed up by the earth. I want His light to shine through me. I guess I feel like this is my “last chance,” in a way. I don’t know exactly what comes next. He does though, and I intend to trust Him with that, but that’s a whole separate story.

I love this line from Natalie Grant’s song “Live for Today”… “I’m gonna let my little light shine like there’s no tomorrow..”

Matthew 5:13-16 says, “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”

I want to shine for Him… How well am I doing? Well.. I guess you’d have to ask those around me. It is always so encouraging to me though, when people ask me, “Are you a Christian?” ~~ and I have had that at school.. since writing my post about wanting to be effective and productive and shine for Jesus there. I love when they see my life and ask me this, because that means I’m painting a picture for them of how Jesus lived on the earth. I don’t want to live how so many “Christians” live today. Honestly, I don’t want to be associated with the hypocrisy and fakeness that people think of as “Christianity” today.

“… if anyone obeys his word, God’s love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in Him: Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did.” (1 John 2:5-6)

That is real Christianity. It is what following Christ really looks like. It might mean befriending some people that others look down on you for befriending. It might mean getting out of your comfort zone in a new way.. It might mean some hard things. But Jesus is worth it.
I am “gonna let my little light shine — like there’s no tomorrow.”

all the in-between days...

2007-04-16T13:15:00.000-05:00

Did you ever learn that Sunday school song when you were little?.. The one that goes…
“put Jesus in your everyday life
not just Sundays and Wednesdays
but all the in-between days
put Jesus in your everyday life
He wants to be your very best Friend..”
That song has been running through my mind off and on for the past several weeks. I remember singing it at Awana when I attended Sparks with a friend of mine at her church, and I think I had it on a cassette (yeah, okay, so it was a long while ago )..
As simple as the words are, they are really quite profound. It’s a simple concept, but it is one that we as the church today tend to have some trouble applying to our lives. It is so easy to go to church on Sunday and Wednesday and then go on with our lives on all “in-between days”.. as soon as the service is over on Sunday (or maybe even before it’s over..), our minds are already onto something else.. — “What’s for lunch?” “Oh wow, I’ve got a lot to do today!” “Maybe I’ll leave just a couple minutes early so I can beat the crowd..”
But when we start to have these thoughts.. our hearts are not really there listening to what God wants to tell us. Something I’ve learned a lot about in the past year or so is slowing down. There is nothing wrong with taking our time. What exactly do we gain by rushing out of a service early? Ten extra minutes to sit in front of the tv? Or is the only thing we really gain from it a growing impatience in our hearts? Who really cares if we have to wait a couple of minutes to be seated at the restaurant for lunch because there is a huge crowd after church?
See.. if we take to heart what this children’s song says, maybe we’ll let it affect us. If we live what this song suggests, if we really put Jesus in our everyday lives, just think of the difference we’d see in our attitudes and our actions. Think of the difference we could make in the world around us.
If we really put Jesus in our everyday lives, He will make us shine like the stars in the heavens (Philippians 2:15) in the middle of this darkness.
When we put Jesus in our everyday lives, people will begin to notice. They will want to be around us, because we don’t put them down or complain and argue when things don’t go our way.
Putting Jesus in our everyday lives makes us real followers of Christ. It pushes away the stereotype of “Christians” who are more into legalism and making up new rules than they are into caring about people. It embraces instead the lifestyle that Jesus lived. He visited the homes of people who were the “worst” that you could be. People looked down on Him for it, but.. that is because they didn’t understand what it meant to be in the world but not of it.
We are called to love people. Others are going to know we are followers of Christ because of our love (John 13:35). We actually owe it to people to love them (Romans 13:8). There is no greater love than to lay aside our own lives and desires for someone else (John 15:13).
So maybe this is a children’s song.. but I don’t think it is just for children. It is so relevant to us all. We need to put Jesus in our everyday lives.. and the world really needs us to as well. We can’t be fake.. which is what we are if we only let Him peek into our lives on Sundays and Wednesdays.
Let’s put Him in our everyday lives and let it change us from the inside out. We can change our world by letting Him first change us.

life is good..

2007-04-01T15:15:00.000-05:00

Have you ever read A Tale of Two Cities? It opens with a line that has become pretty familiar to people… “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” I don’t know that I’d ever really related to that sentiment more than I can say that I’ve related to it lately..
These past few weeks have brought some hard times.. One of my best friends since like 4th grade is going through a separation/divorce at the moment.. with two small kids.. and I really can’t say that I know or even can imagine what she’s going through. Another friend is going through a big mess with her family and the law and all.. and she also just lost a dear pet a day or two ago.. Still another friend just had a biopsy done this past week to make sure this lump of something on his neck wasn’t cancerous. (It wasn’t, thankfully.)
So many are going through hard times right now. I feel so helpless about it all, like there has to be something I could do to help. I know I can pray for them, and I am.. but sometimes even though prayer is the best thing I could ever contribute, I feel as though I am almost taking the “easy” way out. I think sometimes a lot of people say they’ll pray for people just because they know they have to say something, but they don’t really want to.. so.. they say “well, I’ll pray for you!” Prayer becomes an excuse, and I don’t want it to ever be an excuse in my life. I believe prayer to be so important, and so practical. But we have to be willing to do more when we can. And.. right now I’m feeling like I should be able to do more, even though I can’t. If that makes any sense…
It even makes me feel kind of guilty, because my life looks so much different than their lives right now.. I know that shouldn’t make me feel guilty, but.. it almost does. Somehow, my life at this moment looks to me like it must look so “easy” and “good” to them all. I want to praise God in the “good” times, but I also want to praise Him in the storms, when it looks like things are never going to clear up. That is what a life lived for God really looks like. It’s what I want my life to look like.
And you know.. even in the hard times, I can look around me and see all that God has blessed me with.. and life is good.
God is good.. so life is good. What more is there to say? He makes everything beautiful in its time. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
He is always with us.. that is reason enough for joy and contentment, knowing that when we live for Him, trusting Him even when we might not really feel like it, He is going to bless that. It is when we cannot see the next step and we trust Him as we step out in faith — not knowing what that step entails, but just trusting that there is a step there and that He has it in His control — it is then that we grow in our faith in God. It is then that we shine and others see God in us and in our lives. I want to live a life of worship to Him.
As I live my life to follow Christ, I am learning so much that even when things don’t go our way, keeping our joy and smile is so important, because others are watching us.. It is a part of reaching out and sharing His love as much as it is a part of praising Him. Keeping the right attitude is so important and even crucial; otherwise, we are hypocrites.. and that turns people off instead of drawing them in and causing them to wonder what we have that makes us live with a constant joy.
Prayer is important. Really important. But we can’t let it become an excuse for not doing something else too. If we use it as an excuse.. then we are just the same as the people who walked right by the guy on the side of the road.. We have to be like the Samaritan who stopped and actually helped the man. I’m sure he would have prayed for him too, but he didn’t let that stop him from helping him physically too. We have to put feet on our faith.. because actions really do speak louder than words.
Anyway.. yeah.. life is good. Not because of anything I have done, but because of God. It might be the “best” of times.. and it might be the “worst” of times. Either way..
God is good. And so life is good.

interview with author tricia goyer.. :)

2007-03-17T08:55:00.000-05:00

I recently had the opportunity to ask a Tricia Goyer, a favorite writer of mine, some questions about her life and her work as a part of her blog tour...

Tara: How did you get started as a writer?

Tricia: I sold an article to Light and Life Magazine at the very first writer’s conference I attended. I didn’t sell another one for two years. I think that first article was God’s encouragement that I was on the right track.

Tara: Which of your books has been your favorite to write so far? Why?

Tricia: Wow, that is a HARD question, but I'd have to say my favorite to write so far is my next novel to be released this fall A Shadow of Treason. That book was fun because I was able to continue on with the characters from A Valley of Betrayal. A first for me! It was fun because a minor character--someone I'd least expected ended up becoming a MAJOR character and deepening the plot in an exciting way. It was also fun because there is a mystery involved that totally was a blast to research and figure out. I was able to take a true part of history and create intrigue around it. Fun!

Tara: You have worked a lot with MOPS, right? If you could give young mothers some encouragement and/or advice, what would you tell them?

Tricia: I would tell moms not to get too overwhelmed with trying to do everything right ... according to what the world thinks is best, but instead to turn to God and seek His opinion. So many times we want to do everything/be everything for our kids and this is impossible. Yet, when I get away, pray for my kids, bring them before God, and seek His wisdom I'm amazed how he simplifies things and reminds me the heart is the most important part.

Tara: What do you enjoy doing in your free time?

Tricia: I like to hang out with my family. We travel A LOT during high school basketball season--on the road nearly every weekend from November to Feb. We watch TV shows together, watch movies, play board games, and DDR (Dance, dance revolution). In between books I try to get up house organized and catch up on what fell behind during deadline, but it doesn't work too well because I get a lot of new ideas when I'm cleaning and organizing, and I end up back at the keyboard! I also go to lunch with friends and take my grandma shopping, which she loves.

Tara: Who or what inspired you new book, A Valley of Betrayal?

Tricia: When I was researching for my novel, Arms of Deliverance, one of the autobiographies I read was from a man who was a B-17 bomber pilot over Europe --but before that he was an American volunteer for The Spanish Civil War. I had never heard of this war before, which happened right before WWII in Spain . I started researching and I was soon fascinated. Some people call it "the first battle of WWII" because it's where that Nazis first tried their hand at modern warfare.

Tara: Do you have anything in particular you'd like to mention about A Valley of Betrayal?

Tricia: This book was very challenging because I knew nothing about The Spanish Civil War before I started. Yet, I felt sure that God was leading me to write these books, and God (again) taught me to trust Him. When He gives me an idea for a novel it is so BIG. I mean there is so much to pull together. Yet, God has shown me time and time again that He is faithful. He gives me ideas, leads me to the right research books, and even brings people into my life to help me!

One example with this book is that God brought someone also to help. A man named Norm Goyer contacted me because his was working on his family tree and he wanted to know if we were related. We weren’t related, but Norm ended up being a airplane expert and consultant for movies. Norm ended up helping me with research on my German pilot in Spain . I think it was an awesome gift from God!

This again shows me that what ever God brings before me, He also has the power to help me succeed.

Tara: What is a Bible verse that means a lot to you? What is special about it in your life?

Tricia:I LOVE Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV):
"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."'
It says SOOO much in so little. God is with me. He saves me from the troubles of life (in addition to saving my soul!). He quiets me when I get stressed out ... and He delights and me and rejoices over me with singing. That just does something for my heart. As someone who always notices my weakness I'm reminded that I'm a delight to God!

Tara: What made you get involved with speaking in addition to writing?

Tricia: I think that people assume you speak when you're a writer. You have a platform with your books, and they like to hear the message spoken too. Personally, I'm FAR more comfortable sharing my heart via my keyboard than speaking, but I LOVE connecting with people. I love hearing their feedback and seeing how my words encourage or inspire them.

Tara: Anything else you'd like to add?

Tricia: My next novel, A Shadow of Treason, picks off where A Valley of Betrayal leaves off. It starts THE DAY the first book ends. It continues on in Spain in the lives of these characters, and ... well, soon they discover that more is at stake than what any of them originally thought. It's also published by Moody and it will hit store shelves September 1, 2007.
Generation NeXt Marriage will be released in January of 2008 and My Life unScripted, a teen devotional for girls, this summer. And, of course, I've got several other projects in the works, including A Whisper of Freedom, which is the next novel I have to write.
Thank you so much for having me. God Bless!

Thank you, Tricia!!

Be sure to visit Tricia's blog at It's Real Life..

how do we love each other?

2007-03-12T15:06:00.000-05:00

"attitude check - everybody's got x-ray vision
spot a fake, walk away
'cause he's not worth my time, precious attention

does it make you scared to think you stand for something bigger?
but will i ever know 'til you say it with your life?

how they love each other
how they shine
and they follow One
we would like to know ourselves

not your fancy talk, not your upright walk
they're not enough, so chalk one up for love again
here's the same old good news
when you love, you give
and you can never lose, no never

does it make you scared to think you matter in the bigger picture?
but will i ever know 'til you show me with your life?

make a believer
make a believer out of me
just give me a reason
give me a reason..."

~ "how they love each other".. by downhere

John 13:34-35 says that people are going to recognize us as followers of Christ because of our love for each other. Are we loving each other? Sure, we all like to think we are.. but are we really loving each other enough so that others will pick up on that love and know we are followers of Jesus because of it??

I have mentioned before a guy I work with who grew up in the Methodist church and then decided to become wiccan.. I have another friend who, just the other day, said something very similar. She grew up Catholic and was pretty much forced to be Catholic, making her absolutely hate it. She considers herself an agnostic/athiest (I'm not completely sure which..) now.

The hypocrisy of the church -- as a whole -- is killing our world. It turns people off, and honestly, I cannot say that I blame anybody who is turned off by it. It is just sickening.. it is so sad.. We're pushing away the people our love is supposed to draw in.

When you go out in the world and say "hey, I'm a Christian," people do not see that as a good thing. They see it as a label that we give ourselves, and they immediately think we're a hypocrite. Why? Because so many "Christians" are hypocrites. When I started at my college, I decided I was going to try an experiment.. I decided I was not going to come right out and tell people that I'm a Christian. Not out of shame, because I am not ashamed of my faith. "I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes..." (Romans 1:16a) I decided on this experiment because I wanted to be able to show people who I really was. I did not want to be stereotyped and have a reputation before I had the chance to make a testimony for myself.

I have found that.. even without going and telling people that I am a "Christian," other believers and I tend to recognize each other. It is there in the way we talk -- or in the way we don't talk -- and in praying before our meals, it is in the genuine interest in people and what they are going through, it is in the way we dress and act... See, true Christians are going to live it. The fake ones are not.

"You can say what you like, but you are going to live what you really believe."
~ Mark Hall, Casting Crowns (I know.. I've quoted him on that before.. it's appropriate though; it just fits.)

There is nothing wrong with being called a Christian - so long as you live what you claim. I tend to like to say I am a follower of Christ. :) It catches people off guard and makes them ask questions. I've had people at school ~ even people who are not believers themselves ~ ask me very bluntly, "Are you a Christian?" Yes, I am. I love Jesus, I am His child, I belong to Him.

It is so ridiculous how, as the church, we are not doing our job. We are called to love others.. not to accept or agree with sin, but to love the people. Yet here we are pushing people away.. judging, shunning, ignoring the very ones we should be reaching out to and inviting in. We are the ones who are tearing up our generation, pushing them out of the church.

It is our job to love, and to make sure our speech and our actions line up with each other. We have a responsibility to do this.. we need to reach out in love. We are called to be real Christians.. followers of Christ. Not just somebody who calls themselves a "Christian" and might even go to church but then does not live it out.

someone's searching..

2007-03-06T19:37:00.000-05:00

"face lost in the crowd
feet wandering empty streets
voice crying out loud
heart aching with every beat

someone searching
searching for someone
everywhere and endlessly
wishing, waiting
could there be someone
searching for
someone searching

sould battered and bruised
pride wounded and left for dead
ears deaf to good news
eyes tear-drenched and sleepless red

oh i hear the cry
and i know the pain
can it be denied
that everyone has been
and will be someone searching

love standing alone
hands scarred by the nails of hate
hope suffering long
faith urging that it's not too late

someone searching
searching for someone
everywhere and endlessly
loving, longing
always there's someone
searching for someone
someone searching..."

~ by ginny owens... "someone searching"...

At work yesterday afternoon, a friend of mine and I were talking with a mutual friend that we work with, and somehow the conversation turned a little more personal than it started out as.. Our mutual friend/co-worker said that she's mean to people because she's tired of being nice. She said she cares too much and gets hurt every time, so she doesn't want to do it anymore. That just broke my heart. This girl's attitude and our conversation with her have been the topic of my thoughts and prayers so much since then. I'd occasionally seen her come to class crying before, when I didn't even know her.. but she is not one to be very open. Yesterday was something rare, that she actually shared that much with us. She's not one to let people get close to her like that.. which I find incredibly sad.

My whole way home from school/work, the radio was filled with songs like Third Day's "Cry Out to Jesus" and "If This World" by Jaci Velasquez.. songs that invite the lonely, encouraging them to cry out to Jesus and let Him Love them and hug them. Then later on, this song by Ginny Owens came to my mind, and I thought of how appropriate it is.. how much it applies here.

This girl is so in need. She needs to know that she's not alone.. I want to be friends with her, to let her know that she is Loved. By us in the LC, and more than that, she is Loved by God. It hurts me to know that she doesn't want friends because of her fear of getting hurt. Nobody should have that fear.

People are going to let us down.. that's just the way it is. We are imperfect people in an imperfect world. We can't be everything we were meant to be because we're sinful. That doesn't mean we shouldn't make the effort to be friendly and to have friends though. It makes it all just that more important. We need each other, you know.. we need to help each other and be there for each other.

While people we can see are always going to let us down, God is the opposite. He is never going to let us down. He will never, ever, ever leave us. I love the way the Amplified Bible says it in Hebrews 13:5. ~ "Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money, including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions, and be satisfied with your present circumstances and with what you have; for He Himself has said, 'I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let you down or relax My hold on you! Assuredly not!'" I remember one time in youth group, Pastor Brian was speaking on this passage, and he said it literally means "never, ever, ever will I leave you." Like "don't even think of it, because it is not going to happen." That has stuck with me ever since. I always think of it when I read or hear or think of that verse.

As long as she's looking for someone visible to satisfy her desires, she's not going to find it. She will be let down.. every time. That is just the way we are. Even when we don't mean to hurt people, sometimes we end up hurting them anyway. She doesn't know - or is running away from - what she truly needs. She is so in need of God to satisfy her and change her attitude and heart. I don't mean it in a critical way at all; I'm sharing what is so heavily on my heart right now.

It isn't often that she lets someone see that deep inside her heart.. she doesn't normally open up like she did in this conversation. I have just right about two more months with her here at work before we graduate in May. Pray with me, please, that God will give me [us] the opportunities we need to share with her the One she really needs who will never, ever, ever let her down. Pray that He will soften her heart and open her to Himself so she'll really listen and realize what she needs. Pray that God will give us the words to share with her, because we really can't do it on our own.. it will fail if we try. But in listening to Him and His words, to what He wants us to say, He will work through us.

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." ~ Hebrews 13:8

..and i am so in love with You..

2007-03-01T09:43:00.000-05:00

"i am sure all of heaven’s heard me cry
as i tell You all the reasons why
this life is just too hard
but day by day
without fail
i’m finding everything i need
and everything that You are
to me

every time i breathe You seem a little bit closer
i never want to leave
i want to stay in Your warm embrace
oh basking in the glory shining from Your face
and every time i get another glimpse of Your heart
i realize it’s true
that You are so marvelous God
and i am so in love with You

now how could i after knowing One so great
respond to You in any way
that’s less than all i have to give
but by Your grace i want to love You not with what I say
but every day
in a way that my life is lived

wrapped in Your mercy i want to live and never leave
i am held by how humble
yet overwhelmed by Your majesty
captured by grace and now i’m finding i am free
You are marvelous God
and knowing You is everything"

~ "every time i breathe".. by big daddy weave..

Every time I hear this song.. oh my goodness.. it has to be one of my favorites ever. :) It's amazing.

No matter what we go through, even when we think life is so unfair and just too hard, God is here.. He is everything we need, and He will show it to us through our experiences if we'll just let Him. I guess I could sit here and complain that I feel so overloaded in one of my classes, or I could complain that life is hard. Hey, God never promised us that life would be easy or that everything would work out the way we plan it. He never promised me I'd never lose a friend, or that people would always agree with me and respect me. Throughout everything I go through.. I am so constantly seeing God's fingerprints. He is showing me His beauty and Love through it all.

So maybe it isn't always easy, but really, knowing how great is our God and knowing Him personally, how can I respond in any way other than giving Him all of myself? My every breath belongs to Him.. and He's the only reason I have any breath at all. ".. by Your grace I want to Love You not with what I say, but every day in the way my life is lived.." Yes - I want to Love my Jesus with what I say. But words without actions are meaningless, and that is what this is talking about... My actions have to prove that what I say is true. Actions speak louder than words. If I say one thing and do another, you're going to believe my actions rather than my speech. So let my life speak of how great He is.

Pretty much this song just speaks for itself. But I had to share it, and I had to expand on a little, sharing my thoughts and just what this song says to me. "You are marvelous, God, and knowing You is everything." What can I add to that? It is such truth. Such an attitude of humble worship. I am absolutely nothing without God. He's my everything. It is so important to not only remember that, but to also live my entire life, my every moment, letting my complete dependence on Him shape my actions and my words. Let my Love for Him show. When I am completely overwhelmed with being in Love with Him, it is going to shine in my life.

when i'm a sparrow in winter..

2007-02-15T18:43:00.000-05:00

"when i'm a sparrow in winter
You are the seed i find
when i'm a heart with a splinter
Your blood keeps me alive
if i could call You a color
Youd be the deepest of blues
if i had my pleasure of anything
You'd be the One that i'd choose

now it's crystal clear i'm falling for You
now that i can see the mystery's revealed
now i'm coming clean
i can feel my fears release
now it's crystal clear
i'm falling for You

i'm soft like clay
Your hands, they mold me
for You, i would run away
just to hear You calling out my name

... i'm broken and empty
without You i'm blinded
i need You
i need You near me
i need You near me

now it's crystal clear
i'm falling for You
now that i can see the mystery's revealed
now i'm coming clean
i can feel my fears release
now it's crystal clear
i'm falling for You

please catch me
i'm falling for You.."

~ "crystal clear"... recorded by jaci velasquez

Honestly, what caught my ear this time around on this song was the line "when I'm a sparrow in winter, You are the seed I find.." We have had so much snow lately. There's no ground showing, and by the looks of things, it is going to be a while before the ground does show again. It's this lovely, pure white out there... that is, where the snow lies untouched by cars and plows and sleds and all. I love when it's new and pure and white, and not that ugly gray you see along the roads.

Anyway.. the line about the sparrow got me thinking.. we've got bird feeders out, and I love watching as all the different kinds of birds come to eat. Cardinals, blue jays, bluebirds, even a woodpecker or two.. we've got so many kinds of birds out there. They come and find the seed we put out for them.. and that is what I thought of when I heard that line.. When I don't have any hope of food in sight, when I'm all alone.. when I have absolutely nothing left in the world, I still have Jesus. No, I've not actually been in a situation where I have had literally nothing in the world, but you know what.. I've seen plenty of people who are in that situation. The people I encountered in Nicaragua and their way of life is still making an impact on me, even now, when I've been home for what, 7 or 8 months now...

Matthew 10 talks about how God even knows how many hairs are on our heads.. nothing happens even to a little sparrow that He doesn't see. Matthew 6 mentions a similar concept, as the flowers we see in His creation are so lovely.. and yet if He makes them beautiful and takes care of them.. how much more is He going to take care of us, His children... He is our seed.. He is our Provider.

No matter what I'm going through in my life.. He is the One I can always rely on. He has proven Himself faithful to me over and over. He has my complete trust... I have no reason not to trust Him.

that's when i'll give up..

2007-02-13T16:19:00.000-05:00

"no heartbeat is always steady
angels have halos already
please - don't think you're proving yourself all the time
i don't need you to be perfect
i know the wait will be worth it
you and me, baby, we're only just learning to shine

you should know
this my love
how far i'll go
here's when i'll give up..

when the sun is coming up at midnight
when the clocks have all run out of time
when the snow falls in june
that's when i'll give up on loving you
when the earth is finished spinning around
when it's raining up instead of down
when a dream can't come true
when the rivers all run out of blue
that's when i'll give up on loving you

you'll never run out of chances
i don't need you to have all the answers
love isn't something that has to be put to the test

love like this
can't be undone
i'm telling you
if the day should come

when the sun is comin' up at midnight
when the clocks have all run out of time
when the snow falls in june
that's when i'll give up on loving you
when the earth is finished spinning around
when its raining up instead of down
when a dream can't come true
when the rivers all run out of blue
that's when i'll give up on loving you

as you're walking through the world
you gotta know
i'll be with you everywhere you go
you can spread your wings or run back to my arms
i will always hold you in my heart, baby

you'll always be
a part of me
baby can't you see

when the sun is comin' up at midnight-
when the clocks have all run out of time-
when the snow falls in june-
that's when i'll give up on loving you..
when the earth is finished spinning around-
when it's raining up instead of down-
when a dream can't come true-
when the rivers all run out of blue-
that's when i'll give up on loving you..."

"that's when i'll give up (on loving you)"... recorded by natalie grant

I so love the poetry of this song.. these words hold such a promise..
Don't we all want to be loved like this? Sure, it's a "love song".. you could have somebody sing it in your wedding.. But besides just being love like that, like between two people you can see with your eyes.. this song is a beautiful picture of the way God loves us. So unconditionally. Whether we spread our wings or run back to His arms, He loves us. We don't have to prove ourselves, we don't have to be perfect. We don't have to put on an act. God loves us perfectly.

And.. the way God loves us.. we're meant to love each other in the same way. Without condition. True love is love without condition. There is no price. If the other person messes up, our love is to still be there for them. And when we slip and fall, they need to be there for us too.

I read this passage in a book the other day...
"'What if I don't want to be in love?' [Tom asked].
'What do you mean? Of course you want to be in love. You're human.' [Mikal answered]."
(~ Ted Dekker, Black, page 76)

See... we all want to love and be loved. We all want to be "in love".. It is so human of us to want that. Which is not to say that it's wrong of us. God created us to have this desire in our hearts for love. God wants us to love and be loved...

Honestly, the thought never even crossed my mind until just now that I'm writing this the day before Valentines Day. How silly is that.. didn't even think about it.. But then, I didn't really know what turn this post was going to take when I started writing. I only knew I needed to share that song.

Anyway, as we are in the season of valentines, red and pink hearts, chocolate, roses, and all.. I don't personally have somebody in my life who I'm close to like that. I don't have a boyfriend, and I never have had one. But that doesn't bother me. ".. I know the wait will be worth it, you & me, baby, we're only just learning to shine.." God's timing is always best. At this moment, He's still growing me into the woman He wants me to be, and the woman my "Gil" needs me to be. He's still growing my "Gil" too. I'm trusting God for all of that. It gives this song a whole new aspect.. sing it to the one you are going to love. Maybe I've met my "Gil".. maybe I haven't. Maybe I've met him but I just don't know it's him yet. God knows though. He's taking care of it for me, working out each little detail, and I don't have to worry about it. He'll take care of me always, because God is forever the truest Love I could ever have.

a picture of Aslan..

2007-02-04T17:35:00.000-05:00

"in only a moment truth was seen

revealed this mystery

the crown that showed no dignity, He wore

and the King was placed

for all the world to show disgrace

but only beauty flowed from this place

would you take the place of this Man

would you take the nails from His hands

would you take the place of this Man

would you take the nails from His hands

He held the weight of impurity

the Father would not see

the reasons had finally come to be to show

the depth of His grace

flowed with every sin erased

He knew that this was why He came

would you take the place of this Man

would you take the nails from His hands

would you take the place of this Man

would you take the nails from His hands

and we just don’t know

the blood and water flowed

and in it all He showed

just how much He cared

and the veil was torn

so we could have this open door

and all these things

have finally been complete

would you take the place of this Man

would you take the nails from His hands

would you take the place of this Man

would you take the nails from His hands..."

~ "this Man"... by jeremy camp

I have loved this song from the first time I ever heard it, but.. my fascination with it grew when I saw "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe." If you have ever seen this movie.. think of the part when they are killing Aslan. Think of the look in His eyes. Think of the jeering and mocking and yelling of the White Witch's crowd.

One day this song of Jeremy Camp's came on the radio, I think while I was on the way to or from school, and it suddenly hit me how much the two relate - the song "This Man" and that scene with Aslan and the murderous mob. The song is talking about Jesus as He was led to His death on the cross that would bring about our forgiveness and life. And.. Aslan is a picture of Jesus. Aslan, like Jesus, held the weight of impurity - Edmund's impurity and selfishness, and our own - and since He chose to hold that for us.. the Father wouldn't see it. He forgave it all. The price was blood. Either Edmund's or Aslan's.. either our's or Jesus'. "The proof of Love, the price of grace, You traded all to take my place, and died for me so I could be a child of God..." ("Child of God" - by Todd Proctor)

"The depth of His grace flowed with every sin erased.. He knew that this was why He came..." Jesus knew. Aslan knew. As each sin was erased with His blood, His grace flowed deeply. Through how much we have been forgiven we see the true depth of His amazing grace. As cliched as that phrase is, it is so true. I don't want to ever get to the point that I think of amazing grace as a cliche.

Anyway, this view and scene of the movie and this song always make me think of each other now. I can just picture a music video that says it all so much better than I have, and without even explaining it. Just the song with the film edited into a video for it. (as I actually commented to one of my friends the other day as we sat and watched some music videos he'd made.. one was a video of Narnia, which was what brought it to my mind...)

It's something I encourage you to think about.. not the music video, but just the song and the movie, the whole picture they both paint. The picture of God's great Love for us. How great is our God. How great the Father's Love for us...

Would you take the place of this Man? Would I?? Could I?? Remember the look in His eyes. Remember as He silently pleads "Know that I Love you. Know that this is for you.." Those people showed Him such disgrace, such disrespect. They spit on Him, they made fun of Him. They taunted Him in every way they could. Yet He stayed there through it all, and He did it for us. My life is His. He gave it to me, and I want - and choose - to honor Him with it. If it doesn't honor God, then it is not going to happen in my life. No, that doesn't mean I don't sin. We all do. We're human. But it means that I am choosing deliberately to honor God with my life. I still stumble and fall. But I get back up again and again, and I know that He Loves me throughout it all.

Sing with me - how great, how great is our God...

undo me..

2007-01-26T13:41:00.000-05:00

"i've been here before
now here i am again
standing at the door
praying You'll let me back in
to label me a prodigal would be
only scratching the surface
of who i've been known to be

turn me around, pick me up
undo what i've become
bring me back to the place
of forgiveness and grace
i need You, need Your help
i can't do this myself
You’re the only one who can undo
what i've become

i focused on the score
but i could never win
trying to ignore a life of hiding my sin
to label me a hypocrite would be
only scratching the surface
of who i've been known to be

make every step lead me back
to the sovereign way that You...

turn me around, pick me up
undo what i've become
bring me back to the place
of forgiveness and grace
i need You, need Your help
i can't do this myself
You're the only One who can undo
what i've become"

"undo".. by rush of fools

I heard this song on the radio the other day, and I started thinking about what it said as I listened to what they were singing... Don't we all have stuff like this in our lives? Don't we all have days like this? Something that we've done or thought and just kind of let it slip by, thinking that.. oh, it's not so bad. Or something that we think God could never work out for good, so we'd better just run from Him.

We start to run and pretty soon, we've run so far and for so long that we forget what started us running in the first place. We don't even know exactly how to get back. But.. to get back, all we have to do is let go. Just let God have our lives and trust Him to make us new.. trust Him to undo what we've become. Because we cannot do it on our own. He's the only One who can who can show us the grace we need.

There isn't any one particular thing in my life that came to my mind in thinking about this song, but rather just the idea as a whole. How easy it is to let things escalate and get out of hand until we are suddenly in over our heads and don't know what to do to fix things. "Let every step lead me back to the sovereign way that You turn me around, pick me up.. to the way that You bring me back to the place of forgiveness and grace.." We have to become broken and let go of it all, letting God use us in our weakness, in our brokenness, for His glory. We cannot fix our problems on our own, and in order for us to let God come and forgive us and give us His beautiful grace, we have to acknowledge and act upon that acknowledgement that we are really nothing without Him. If we don't become broken and let go like this.. then we're still full of our stupid, selfish pride, and we don't really want Him to make us new. It has to be our decision to let go and come back to Him.. He won't make us do it, but as soon as we turn toward Him and choose to let Him mold us, He is always there, welcoming us into His arms. ~ the story of the prodigal and his father..

faithful..

2007-01-20T11:29:00.000-05:00

"yesterday, today and forever
You are the same
You never change
yesterday, today and forever
You are faithful
and we will trust You..."

~ "yesterday today & forever" by vicky beeching

I just realized how long it has been since I wrote..

I've been learning a lot as I keep seeking what God has for me. School started back up this past week, and with it, work too (since I work at my college...). One thing God has impressed on my heart repeatedly - both recently and not-so-recently - is that as much as I might get distracted and caught up in other things.. He is always faithful. He knows what He's doing and He knows what I need.

I love Hebrews 13:5-8 ~ "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?' Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." If you skip back from chapter 13 to chapter 11 in Hebrews, the entire chapter is about faith and about people God saw as faithful, trusting people who lived for Him. They trusted Him to keep His promises and they obeyed even when it did not look promising or like it could possibly work. Well, God does not work in the "possibly" realm, if that makes any sense. Anything and everything is possible with Him. We have to just trust Him.

So.. yeah.. skip back to Hebrews 11. Read about Abraham and Moses, read about Noah and Isaac and when Joshua led the march around Jericho... Read about Rahab. These people stumbled just like I do. Yet God saw them as people of great faith who needed to be mentioned as examples of faith in Him. After reading Hebrews 11... now go back and read those verses in Hebrews 13 again. Verses 5 through 8. God is never ever ever going to leave us. He never left the people He used Hebrews 11 to tell us about, and He is never going to leave us or let go of us. Consider the people in Hebrews 11 and take a look at their lives.. look at the ways God showed Himself to be their Helper. And then remember that He is the same always. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Always. He never changes. He so deserves our trust and our faith.

Maybe it is easy to look at Hebrews 11 and go "yeah, but I'm not as good as those people.." We can't compare ourselves to others, but if you are going to go by comparison... well, Abraham lied. Rahab was a prostitute. Moses killed a guy. Noah got drunk. I'm not saying these things are okay or that they were even excused for the people mentioned. But what I am saying is that we all make mistakes, and God chooses to use us still. He will bring good out of everything that happens if we Love Him. I promise. If God can use a murderer, don't you think He can use us all? Have you ever hated anyone? Jesus said that if you hate someone, it is the same as murdering them. (I think it is in Matthew.. didn't look it up for the reference yet though..) And yes, I am getting into the Way of the Master questions here.. But really think about it.. God is the same then and now and forever. He used them in such great ways. Read Hebrews 11. Go back and read the Old Testament accounts of the lives of these people. He chose to use them. He is the same today. He is going to use us too.

I have this feeling that even the people mentioned failed to notice some of the ways God was using them at the time. Somehow, looking back it always seems to be easier to see God's blessings and the ways He loves to work. But just let Him take captive your heart.

May my life be one unbroken gaze fixed upon Your beauty and Your grace, no other could ever be as beautiful or steal my heart away, because I am captivated by You, my Jesus.

i can trust You..

2006-12-29T11:48:00.000-05:00

"yes, i know that You have paved a path for me
yes, i know that You see what i do and don't need
but when it comes to the deepest things
i have a hard tiem relinquishing control
letting go

God, it hurts to give You what i must lay down
but when i let go, freedom's found
God, it hurts to give You what i've held so dear
because of Your love it's clear
i can trust You with this
i can trust You with me
i can trust You

Lord, i know that You are worthy of my trust
for You have shown me time and time again
You're faithful and yet
i'm so scared of letting go of this
afraid of what You might do with it
how could i forget who You are like this?

God, it hurts to give You what i must lay down
but when i let go, freedom's found
God, it hurts to give You what i've held so dear
because of Your love, it's clear
i can trust You with this
i can trust You with me
i can trust You

me forsaking
heart is breaking
i let go of what i've held so tight
freedom's mine now
for the taking
i move in faith, not by sight
let Your will be done

God, it hurts to give You what i must lay down
but when i let go, freedom's found
God, it hurts to give You what i've held so dear
because of Your love it's clear
i can trust You with this
i can trust You with me
i can trust You"

"i can trust You" - rebecca st. james

So... yeah... it is hard to trust sometimes. It really can hurt. A lot. Letting go of what I have held dear is never easy. But I have to trust. I choose to trust God in it all. And I know that through it all, He will make me stronger. I might not like the path that gets me there, but God knows what I need and what is best for me. He will provide for me. And even though I might not like the path so much sometimes... I know that in the end it will all work out for good, because I love God and want to serve Him with my life. "We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose." -Romans 8:28 (Amplified Bible) (For other versions/translations, click on the reference and choose a version.)

I don't know how it will all turn out. Not yet. But I do know that I can trust God with it. And I am choosing to do that. Yeah.. even when it is hard. I was listening to Rebecca St. James' "If I Had One Chance.." cd a couple of days ago (maybe yesterday) and then this morning I got this song in my head seemingly out of the blue. It fits though.. so perfectly. I had to include it because it is what is in my heart. "God, it hurts to give You what I must lay down, but when I let go, freedom's found... God, it hurts to give You what I've held so dear.. because of Your Love it's clear I can trust You with this... with me... I can trust You [with all my life]"...

To know that I can trust God, that He is worthy of all our trust, and yet choose not to trust Him would be hypocritical. It wouldn't be practicing what I preach. It would not be living what I say I believe. Truthfully, in light of this, I have no choice but to trust Him. Because of His great Love, though... I want to trust Him. It is hard to let go.. but it is what I need to do, and I know and trust that God will help me to do it.

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our Refuge." - Psalm 62:8 (NIV). I so love that verse... I have poured out my heart to God so much, and to know that He loves to hear my heart even though He already knows it all is so comforting. To know that He listens and is my Refuge, the place I can always go, the One who is always with me no matter what... it is so refreshing. And.. since He is always with me, I need to always be with Him too.. meaning I need to live my life so as to reflect Him to everybody. I need to live like He is here with me, not just say it. ~ and.. that means trusting Him in it all.

"I'm so scared of letting go of this, afraid of what You might do with it - how could I forget who You are like this?" How is it that every time I have to let go of something dear to me I seem to forget who God is?? He is still the "God who opens seas, every flower, even me"... (- Bethany Dillon, "All I Need") Look at what He has done - everything we read about in the Bible, and everything He has blessed us with now. He still does miracles today. I think we have so much less faith than people used to though and we fail to see the miracles that are in our everyday lives.

Anyway... I am choosing to trust God. Even though it is hard sometimes. And even though it hurts to let go. If I don't let it go, how can I sit here an expect God to do great things with it? I cannot hold onto something and wait for God to use it or me. I have to let go and trust.

living what i say i believe..

2006-12-26T19:45:00.000-05:00

So.. my week has been long. It has been hard at times... But life is that way sometimes.

I can honestly say, though, that God has been giving me joy. The joy of the Lord truly is my strength.

I have been thinking and praying a lot lately about this... I went to my friend's church a week and a half ago to tell about my Nicaragua missions trip, and I ended up tying it all together with missions at home and how we are all called to be missionaries even if we never leave the area by telling about the guy I work with that I've written about before. I told the people at Pam's church as they sat and listened to me that... sure, missions overseas is great. If you have the opportunity, go for it. Go someplace and share your faith there. But we have to share it here too. Because... if we do not share God and what He has done for us at home, at school, and even in our local churches... then it is not real. We have to live what we believe here, or there is no point in going somewhere else on a missions trip.

I just heard somebody say this yesterday or today... and now I cannot even remember where I heard or read it. I don't have a clue who said it. But... "You can say what you want. But you'll live what you really believe." OH!! I know.. I think it was this afternoon, as I was watching Casting Crowns' new dvd. Mark Hall, their lead vocalist, was talking about living what we believe and about loving others like Jesus.

Anyway, throughout the good times and the not-so-good, I want to be an example and a reflection of who Jesus is and of His love for us all. Because... I can recite all the verses I want, and say all sorts of great words, but if I don't live His love to those I encounter in my life, then it is all pointless.

hard times..

2006-12-17T14:48:00.000-05:00

"the joy of the Lord is my strength." - Nehemiah 8:10

It is something I have learned before.. and I am learning at this moment that it really is something that I have to constantly be learning again and again. I'm really hurting right now. I know God has a reason and a plan, even though I don't know exactly what it is. He wants to grow me through this hard time though, and I don't want to stand in the way of letting God use this for my good. I don't even quite know how to describe the way I am hurting. I think I feel like I just lost my best friend.. and then I realize.. I did. At least one of my very best friends ever. A friend asked me today after church if I was okay, because she could tell something is not right. I told her I was okay though.. but I think she could see through my facade. I'm not myself.

Just pray for me, please. To trust God, to still have my smile, to be willing to let Him use this time to teach and grow me. I want to let God have all of me - not that I didn't before, but I think that needs to be a major focus. I want to be effective and productive for Him.

I need a hug. In a really huge way.

God is with us...

2006-12-07T21:08:00.000-05:00

Sunday morning I went into Sunday school for the first time in a while, since I'd been working in the 2-year-old Sunday school class for the past month or so. I was feeling so stressed and overwhelmed by everything... Our Christmas coffees at church are coming up, and I am in charge of the preschoolers' song for it - what if they don't sing, what if I don't have any help, what if something just goes really, really wrong?? (And it didn't help that I had gone to a Christmas program the night before where a children's choir sang... not all preschoolers, but some of them were... every kid was singing, they stood in perfectly straight rows, and they were being directed - really directed!!) I have a research paper to finish for biology, as well as a final in that class... and I am really not looking forward to that final. I have four papers to write for my English class (Helping Writers Write)... thankfully they are pretty short and easy, but.. they still take thought and time! And then I have to do a rewrite of one of those papers. My internet development project is not done yet... and at that time, my computer graphics project was due the next morning - which I was finished but not completely happy with. I have two Christmas concerts/recital-type-programs I am playing in this coming Sunday. And then add in my regular stuff of just plain old life... school, work, Awana, piano, etc.

So anyway, that is kind of what was running around in my mind Sunday morning. When Pastor Brian asked if anyone had prayer requests, I said that I did. I first of all asked for prayer for the Christmas coffees and for help with that. Then I went on to share about a guy I work with. I have written about this before, so I am not going to go into that right now... but I briefly told the story behind my prayer request. This guy is into wicca, and he'd grown up in a Methodist church.. so when I found that out, I asked him what made him decide on wicca.. when he said it was because he wanted something real, and that people came to his church just because that is what you do - Sunday rolls around, so you go to church - it was a routine for them, not a part of their real lives. They weren't living it. When he told me that, it really went to my heart, and it began to break me. I wrote about it on here one day.. It made me think about how we so often don't live what we say we believe. And.. if we don't live it, then we don't really, honestly believe it. "Anyone who claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did." (1 John 2:6) So I told them about this, and then I said... "So, my prayer request is for him. But it is also for us..." I went on to say that yes, we need to reach out to others outside the church, but.. not only to them. We need to really reach out to everyone inside the church too. Inside the doors of our own church there are people who are going to leave - not just leave our church, but leave the whole idea of Christianity behind them - if we do not change our actions and reach out to them, and if we do not finally begin to truly live what we profess so boldly to believe. I do not want people turning their backs on God because of something I have or have not done or said. That is not Loving my neighbor, and it is not Loving God. We actually owe it to people to Love them. That is a thought that really strikes me every time I think about it.

Anyway.. I got off on a rabbit trail there...

So I gave them my prayer requests. They asked the guy's name, and I told them, and asked them to also pray for a girl I work with, not that she is into wicca too, but just to pray for her. After everyone was finished sharing things to pray for, different people volunteered to pray for each person's requests. Katie prayed for mine, and as we sat there as she prayed and then the next person and then next... I was filled with such peace. I had been so overwhelmed and stressed with life when I came in the door, and as we sat praying together, praying for each other, I was struck by the realization of a verse playing out right there in front of me. "Where two or three come together in My Name, there am I in the midst of them." (Matthew 18:20, I believe...) It just hit me so strongly that God was there with us. I mean, He is always here with us. But as I sat there as we prayed together, it was like He was sitting there right next to me, reassuring me that He is here, everything will end up alright, and all is well.

He knew that I needed that reassurance at that moment. It was perfect.

So.. yeah, my preschoolers might not all sing, they might dance around on the stage... I might play something terribly wrong on the piano on Sunday when I play for the Christmas programs... I might not do well on my biology final, or on my research paper... everything might not get done on my internet development project that I want to finish on there... But.. you know what? -- Whatever happens, all is well, because.. God is with us. That is so amazing to really think about. When you stop and think about what that means. God is here with us?? Yes.. He is. Always. How can I help but have peace because of that??

sharing joy..

2006-11-19T16:06:00.000-05:00

I know I have already mentioned it several times... but a theme that just keeps coming up is being thankful and content. Especially with Thanksgiving and Christmas sneaking up so quickly.

Life has this way of being what we make of it. If we go about our lives with an ungrateful attitude and looking for ways to gain everything we can, then we are going to have such a joy-less life. No fun, no smiles, no peace.

If we go through life, though, with the realization that we are so blessed, that makes all the difference. To know that we are Loved by the King makes our hearts want to sing, as Chris Tomlin puts it in his new song "How Can I Keep from Singing?"... To be thankful for what God has blessed us with, and to be happy with what we have. To give to others and Love them. Living like this brings joy. It brings joy not only to ourselves, but also to those around us.

Bringing joy to the people I come in contact with is important to me... I love when I walk down the hall at school and see someone I tutored in math last week, or on an English paper a month ago, or the lady who comes to recruit for the Big Brothers/Big Sisters organization. She always has a smile for me, and she is so sweet. I always stop and talk when I see someone I know, just to say hi, ask how they are doing, and give them a smile.

I remember one day in youth group (so it was several years ago... since I graduated in '02...) Pastor Brian was talking about the good Samaritan and how that story applies to our lives. He was talking about Loving our neighbors, and I will forever remember what he said next... Our neighbor is anyone who is in need. ~ And everybody is in need of something. Maybe it is something big, like a car or a home, or maybe it is something else. Maybe they are in need of a friend, just someone to listen. Maybe they need a hug. Maybe all they need is a smile. But everybody is in need of something. There is always something we can share with others. It is so amazing what just a smile can do to brighten someone's day, week... even their life.

So often it is hard for us as humans to see the big picture. It is really important, though, to keep in mind that the here and now is not the point. We will not always see the results of what we do and say here on earth. God knows how He is going to use these things, though. He has something great in store, if we will just listen to Him and Love others. A smile can change someone's whole life, even though we may never know it until heaven. But keeping that in mind can help our perspectives to stay in the right place, it can help us focus more on the bigger picture instead of just on what we can see right now.

I guess this took sort of a different turn from what I started out saying. God knew what I needed to say though... He knew what I needed to write and what I need to be learning right now. I love how He can use the strangest things to teach us crucial lessons; that is often what He chooses to do. Maybe I pay attention better when something is out of the ordinary. I don't know. But I love how He always has something great to teach me, and some different way to teach it to me. :)

gratitude..

2006-11-14T20:19:00.000-05:00

"send some rain, would You send some rain?
'cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
and the sun is gigh and we are sinking in the shade
would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
but maybe not, not today
maybe You'll provide in other ways
and if that's the case...

we'll give thanks to You with gratitude
for lessons learned in how to thirst for You
how to bless the very sun that warms our face
if You never send us rain

daily bread, give us daily bread
bless our bodies, keep our children fed
fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
wrap us up
and warm us through
tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
or maybe not, not today
maybe You'll provide in other ways
and if that's the case...

we'll give thanks to You
with gratitude
a lesson learned to hunger after You
that a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead
and if we never taste that bread

oh, the differences that often are between
everything we want and what we really need

so grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
move our hearts to hear a single beat
between alibis and enemies tonight
or maybe not, not today
peace might be another world away
and if that's the case...

we'll give thanks to You
with gratitude
for lessons learned in how to trust in You
that we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
in abundance or in need
and if You never grant us peace

but Jesus, would You please..."

~ "gratitude"... nichole nordeman

Wow.. what can I say?? That is quite a song. Quite a prayer. It really needs to be my own prayer, the cry of my heart. But how often is it not? I hate to think how often... There is always, always, always something to be thankful for. There is something to smile about, something to be joyful about. Paul talks in Philippians 4 about having learned to be content in whatever situation he happened to be in... and he was in some pretty hard and nasty situations at different points in his life. He learned to be truly content when he was hungry or well-fed, when he had a home or not, when he had good clothes and when he didn't. He learned to trust in God for everything that he needed and came to believe that He would provide everything he ever needed. Philippians 4:19.

As Americans (and just generally as humans...) we tend to fail to see the difference between what we want and what we really need. Look at how much God has blessed us with. I have been in places where the people have absolutely nothing by our standards. They cook outside; they have to get their food daily, because they have no place to store it from day to day. They don't have a bathroom, and they cram ten or more people into a tiny home with just a room or two. They have a little hook on the wall where they can hang their clothes, whatever they happen to not be wearing that day, which isn't too much. They have nothing to the extent that they pick up what we consider to be trash, and they keep it. They don't have clean water. And yet... these people who have so little are so generous. They invite you into their homes and proudly show off their few possessions and their family. They always have a smile for you. There is just nothing like it. They share what they have. It brings tears to your eyes. Trust me, I've been there.

"show me what it means..."

2006-11-11T11:53:00.000-05:00

"i’ve been here a thousand times before
face down on the floor
wondering how i even reached this place again
but You have shown so endlessly
how Your love pours over me
no picture can re-create the beauty that I see

show me what it means
to live my life a sacrifice
if only i would realize
how much it took to pay the price
i know i’d always give
everything to You

i want this world to see
Your perfect majesty
reflecting from my life this brilliant poetry
written all over this place
the signs of all creation that You breathed
words can’t even state how much You mean to me

i want to face my very crime
of not giving all of mine
but i can feel the hope You bring to me..."

~ "what it means"... jeremy camp

I need to live my life as a sacrifice to my Savior. We are called to be living sacrifices. Romans 12:1-2. A topic that keeps coming up lately is really living and sharing what we believe. A friend and I were talking about it the other day at school, and then we continued our conversation on it the next day when the same subject came up in a Bible study we were doing. It is so important. People do not want to be a part of something that is just a bunch of hypocrites. They want to see the realness of our faith. Yeah, so I keep writing about this subject... but it is so important. It is a very crucial aspect of our faith. If we do not live so that people can see Jesus in us, then so many of them will never know Him. "We might be the only 'Jesus' some people ever see." I need to let Jesus be reflected in my life, so that everything I do really shows how much He means to me. I need to be active in sharing my faith and not just be content in letting it be known that I am a Christian. I need to go and share it. Matthew 28:18-20. Whatever it means for my life, I need to share, and I need to be a living sacrifice. I need to put sharing my faith over my own comfort. Trust me, there have been so many times when I have been uncomfortable in situations I have been in... but those are the times when we grow. How can I grow if I stay only where I am comfortable and cozy? And how will others see my willingness to go out and get dirty, making myself on an equal level with people who have less than I do if I don't get out of my comfort zone?

This really is not very organized as far as my thoughts on it go... but it is just something that has been surfacing and resurfacing lately. It is a passion of mine that I want to keep strong and grow even stronger. I have to live what I believe. That is just the way it is.

let my life speak...

2006-11-02T15:40:00.000-05:00

After class yesterday, I was on my way back to work at the other end of the school... Walking through the hall, I passed a girl I work with in the Learning Center. We stopped to talk for just a minute. She was on her way to class, and I knew she had a quiz in that class, so as we went on our way, I turned back to her and said something about hoping her quiz went well. And then she just looked at me, and she said, "You always look so happy!"... with a look on her face that was almost incredulous, like "how on earth do you do that?"

That is one of the biggest compliments she could have given me. I want my life to show that I am happy. It is not just happiness though... it is joy. I love that she has seen that joy in my life. She sees me smile all the time, and she sees that I've always got something good to say about whatever's going on. We didn't have time to get into why I have joy... she had to get to class and I had to get to work. But... I am praying for an opportunity to have that conversation with her.

"all the colors of the rainbow
all the voices of the wind
every dream that reaches out
that reaches out to find where love begins
every word of every story
every star in every sky
every corner of creation lives to testify

for as long as i shall live
i will testify to love
i'll be a witness in the silences
when words are not enough
with every breath i take
i will give thanks to God above
for as long as i shall live
i will testify to love

from the mountains to the valleys
from the rivers to the sea
every hand that reaches out
every hand that reaches out to offer peace
every simple act of mercy
every step to kingdom come
all the hope in every heart will
speak what love has done..."

~ "testify to love"... avalon

If we pay attention to it, all of creation testifies to God's greatness and Love. Everything good points to Him, whether or not we connect the dots. I want my life to speak of how great our God is. Just like the mountains and the rivers, acts of mercy, the stars in the sky, and the colors of the rainbow... just like they testify to God's Love, I want my life to testify. I am choosing to live so as to testify to His goodness and grace and mercy.

It is no secret where I work that I am a Christian, and that I go to church. There are a couple of other believers that I work with, which is really encouraging to me. At the same time though, I am glad that I do not work with only Christians, because if I did... I have this feeling that I would get into a sort of rut in my walk with God. Living what I say I believe would still be important, but it would be different in that I would not have people look at me and say "You always look so happy!" with the same look on their face that this girl had yesterday. Maybe here and there, but not like I have the opportunity right now. My mom has said several times that she wishes I were attending a Christian school. But you know what? ~ I really, really believe that I am exactly where God wants me for the time being. He wants me in class and at work with unbelievers surrounding me. For right now, this is my mission field from God. He has blessed me so much. I need to pass along the blessings He's given me. I need to be in school right where I am, sharing a smile and a kind word, encouraging others, and sharing God's great Love.

I thank God for placing me here. When I started college two years ago, I honestly never expected to get to the point where I would walk down the hall and know so many of the people I see on my way to wherever it is I am going. I constantly see people in the halls who I know from class (both current or previous classes), people I work with, people I tutor, people I just know from seeing them all the time, etc. There is one lady who comes a couple of times each month and recruits volunteers for the "Big Brother/Big Sister" organization that goes to public schools and mentors the kids there... I have gotten to know her and now every time I see her, I stop and say hi and ask how her day's going... I love to see her smile. :) The other day she told me I was a bright spot in her day or something along those lines. If I can brighten someone's day or make a difference in their life... then I want to do it. I want to show them Jesus' Love... I might be the only Jesus they ever meet. So I need to make the most of the opportunities I am given.

"live to worship"...

2006-10-28T13:36:00.001-05:00

"a simple offering is all that we bring

we give our lives, claim You as King

we are Your servants and before You we bow

with every breath we make this vow

we will live to worship, give You praise

with all our hearts for all our days

Father we want to do what You created us to

we will live to worship You

our every moment is a gift of Your grace

we are all Yours, now and always

more than just words, oh Lord, the cry of our hearts

is to let our lives speak of how great You are

we will live to worship, give You praise

with all our hearts for all our days

Father we want to do what You created us to

we will live to worship You

You are worthy, You are holy

You alone are deserving

You are worthy, You are holy

You alone are deserving..."

~ "live to worship"... recorded by joy williams, written by scott krippayne, john lemonis, and tony wood

A simple, worshipful song of Love to our Maker. I especially love the words in the second verse... the cry of our hearts really does need to be letting our lives speak of how great our God is. It is so beautiful. I want my life to have that beauty of truly reflecting my God and His Love. This could be my life song. I want to live to worship Him. With all my heart, and for all my days.

just a spoon full of sugar...

2006-10-27T19:16:00.000-05:00

I was watching "Mary Poppins" the other night.... I have always loved that movie, but somehow, when I watch movies now, even though I know the movie by heart, it seems like I get more out of it now. I could sing along and quote pretty much the whole movie, but watching movies now, the messages of them really get to me. They stick in my heart and I really think about them a lot more than I'm sure I ever used to.

So in watching Mary Poppins, I began to think about the message of the movie. It has such a strong family message. Mary Poppins comes to make the Banks family a real family... to bond them together.

And she makes everything fun. Now, I know life is not about having fun. But at the same time, the point is not to make everything dull and lifeless. My point of view on it is basically the same as Mary Poppins' view... she never actually comes right out and says it, but if you listen to the words as she sings or speaks... it is there just the same. There is always something to be thankful for. There is always something to smile at. There is always something to be glad about. When Mary Poppins comes to the Banks' home to be the children's nanny, she brought with her a joyful smile. She taught the kids how to make an everyday chore something fun. "In every task that must be done, there is an element of fun..." If we choose to look and find that fun, then we'll find it. But if we just sit there and complain, then we're missing out on so much. "Just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down..."

When we look for something to be glad about or thankful for, we will find it. Watch "Pollyanna"... she's the same way. :) Paul says in Philippians to rejoice in the Lord always. (Philippians 4:4) He says to think about the beautiful things. The things that are true and noble and right. Think lovely thoughts... (Philippians 4:8) When we focus on the good, we will find something to be thankful for. Finding our joy in God, where it truly is, is the only way we can really be joyful. Let God's joy be your strength. (Nehemiah 8:10)

You know... as I sat there watching "Mary Poppins" the other night, my family was gone. They went camping in Indiana, but I had some major biology homework to finish up, and I had the beginnings of a cold. So I stayed home. I worked on my biology all day Saturday. It is so easy to complain about that. But hey, I got a 94% on my test, and 100% on the rest of last week's homework! So I finished my biology... I watched "Mary Poppins" -- by myself. Who likes to watch movies by themself?? Honestly, I really don't. But it was a nice little spoon full of sugar after a day full of biology. I can't complain. I am so blessed. I enjoyed my movie... even by myself. I got out some cheez-its and milk, and sat and watched my movie.

Be glad. Make your life fun. Don't make it revolve around fun, but just have some fun with the everyday chores and tasks that you have to do. Be joyful. Rejoice in the Lord... always. There is something to be glad about. Always.

And there is always, always, always something to be thankful for.

something to give...

2006-10-22T14:13:00.000-05:00

"an image flashed across my tv screen
another broken heart comes in to view
i saw the pain and i turned my back
why can't i do the things i want to?
i'm willing yet i'm so afraid
You give me strength
when i say

i want to be Your hands
i want to be Your feet
i'll go where You send me
i'll go where You send me
and i try, yeah i try
to touch the world like You touched my life
and i find my way
to be Your hands

i've abandoned every selfish thought
i've surrendered every thing i've got
You can have everything i am
and perfect everything i'm not
i'm willing, i'm not afraid
You give me strength when i say

this is the last time
i turned my back on You
from now on, i'll go so
send me where You want me to
i finally have a mission
i promise i'll complete
i don't need excuses
when i am You hands and feet"

~ "hands & feet"... audio adrenaline

The little boy in the picture is Nayrobi. He is in preschool at Josue 1:8, the school in Los Brasiles. This is the community where we spent most of our time during our stay in Nicaragua this past June. I am sponsoring Nayrobi through NRN (Nicaragua Resource Network), which is the group we went down there with.

I am so excited for the privilege to sponsor Nayrobi. See... I have been so blessed by God. No, I don't have a lot of money. But I have a home. I have a family, I have friends, I have a church, I am in school, and I have a job. I have food to eat every day and I do not have to wonder where my next meal is going to come from.

Have you ever heard of Rob Bell? Check out this little clip of one of his videos here... We watch his dvds in Sunday school sometimes, and with each one I see, I am struck again with the simplicity yet truthfulness of the message of them. They are so relevant to life; this guy shares some crucial truths that sometimes we overlook and take for granted.

How often do we really think about our food being a gift from God? Or how about our home? How easy is it to take for granted that we have clean water? So many people do not even have clean water to drink. In Nicaragua, we had to drink bottled water instead of getting it from the faucets. How often have you stepped into a cold shower and complained that you really want a warm shower?... Yet, how many people in this world have no shower? No toilet? How easy is it to complain about cleaning the bathroom??

Mr. Bell, in his video "Rich," comments on the bumper stickers saying "God bless America"... He says God has blessed America. He as so, so blessed us as Americans. And yet we look at commercials or at our neighbors or friends and see something they have that we don't have, and we begin to think that our stuff is not enough. Contentment is so important, so crucial. We cannot go about our lives wanting everything we see. Pastor Steve said this morning that biblical giving is sacrificial. We have to give up something. It is generous, not skimpy. Biblical giving sees a need and does not think twice about giving to fulfill that need.

I am sponsoring Nayrobi because I have something to give. So maybe it means I won't get the latest Newsboys cd the day it releases. But it means that this adorable little boy has clothes for school. He has good food and water. I have seen the homes in Los Brasiles firsthand... I have personally walked through them, and I can tell you that these people live in homes that consist of maybe a small bedroom and that is it. They have a hook on the wall where they can hang their couple of outfits. They don't have any television or dvd player... and even if they did, they don't have any electricity to make it work. They cook outside, and whatever food they have, they have to go and buy it daily. They don't have any refrigerator to keep it cold. When you go and walk through these homes, and these people invite you in like you're royalty... they have nothing, yet they want to share what they have with you.... it brings tears. The tears are coming to my eyes as I sit here remembering these sweet, generous people. I cannot even imagine living like they do. They have joy though, they have smiles. It is so amazing to see the poverty and the dirt, and yet see them smiling and welcoming you into their home.

I had something to give... that is also why I cut my hair in June. Sure, I was going to Nicaragua (and then to be a counselor at camp) and didn't want to deal with the length of my hair in the extreme heat and humidity... that is why I cut it when I did. But I figured somebody else needed it more than I did. It was something I could give.

I really, really encourage you to check out the video I included the link for. It is just a short clip of what is an exceptional video. Let God speak to your heart through it... please.

"salvation"...

2006-10-17T15:44:00.000-05:00

"salvation spring up from the ground

Lord, rend the heavens and come down

seek the lost and heal the lame

Jesus bring glory to Your name

let all the prodigals run home

all of creation waits and groans

Lord, we've heard of Your great fame

Father, cause all to shout Your name

stir up our hearts, oh God

awaken our spirits to awe who You are

put a cry in us

so deep inside that we cannot find

the words we need

we just weep and cry out to You..."

~ "salvation"... chris tomlin

I first learned this song from Todd Proctor... (our worship leader at Brethren National Youth Conference since 2001). It is a beautiful cry to God to work in our hearts and lives, and all around us. "Awaken our spirits to awe who You are..." I have always loved that line. The whole song, really, but something about that line just catches something inside me and it makes the whole song perfect.

Right now I am listening to Chris Tomlin's latest cd, "See the Morning"... I've had it for over a month now, since I got a pre-release edition from his street team. I love the honesty in each of his songs. They are so real, and that is exactly what they need to be. God knows our hearts. He knows what we cannot find the words to say. He knows whether or not our hearts are truly worshipping Him.

Awaken our spirits to awe who You are, God. So that we cannot even find the words we need but instead just cry out to You in our hearts.

"stars would fall..."

2006-10-16T16:14:00.000-05:00

I so love this song by Monk & Neagle. Yeah, okay, so it's a "love song"... See, what I love about it is the picture they paint through it. They wrote this song for their wives, just about how much they love them...

"have i told you lately
how much i think about you
the way you laugh, the way you love
the way i feel around you
the stars would fall for you
and i would die for you

have i told you lately
how much i dream about you
the way your eyes dance in the sun
the way the heavens wrap around you
and i would walk the world
to prove that i am yours

you're my angel, you're my queen
and i will give you everything
i'm crazy, i'm crazy
i've been around the world to see
that you're the only girl for me
i'm crazy, for you i'm crazy

have i told you lately
how much you mean to me
every word from your mouth
is like a drop of honey
the stars would fall for you
and i would die for you

i can barely breathe when i'm without you
i honestly believe i might die without you
you're the rhythm that my heart beats to
and i'll do anything because i love you
girl i love you"

~ "stars would fall (i'm crazy)"... monk & neagle

It is such a tenderly written song, so full of love. That is what I want... not someone to write a song for me like this, but if I eventually ever get married, I want to be so in love like in this song. To have a guy choose to love me like these guys love their wives, the way they have described in their sweet song, is true Love. To have him singing this song in his heart is so beautiful. The simplicity of it... the honesty of it...

Maybe it sounds selfish of me to say that I would want this... but I really don't think so. True Love is unselfish, and I would want to be Loved unselfishly like Monk & Neagle describe in this song. I would want to Love unselfishly also. They sing that they would do anything for their wives, and really, I think that is the way it should be. There needs to be a mutual Love like this. Like doing anything to help the other person be more of who God wants them to be. I don't want everything, I don't want somebody to give me everything... but it is the heart attitude of that that needs to be present. It is so crucial. I think one reason why so many marriages end these days is that people are so selfish.

Someday I want to hear Monk & Neagle sing this song live....

I put this on here today, not because I am aching for a "boyfriend" ~ because I'm not. But I wanted to share this song that I love, as well as my desire that "when I fall in love, it will be forever"... as Nat King Cole sings. :) "Love" is so superficial in the eyes of the world today... but that is not really Love. True Love is a choice. It is choosing to Love, even when the feeling might not be there.

Snow White sings "someday my prince will come..." For me? Maybe.. We'll see what God has planned. If it is not forever though, then it is not at all. I know that much.

"However, as it is written:

'No eye has seen,

no ear has heard,

no mind has conceived

what God has prepared

for those who love him'..."

~ 1 Corinthians 2:9

real Christianity...

2006-10-12T15:03:00.000-05:00

Yesterday in talking with one of the guys I work with, somehow the topic of beliefs came up. I have made it very clear that I am a follower of Christ and that I let that affect my whole life. I'm not even sure anymore how the subject came up, but this guy said that most people don't want to hear about what he believes, so he doesn't usually mention it. I asked him why, and what he believes, and he told me that he is wiccan.

Oh...

Okay...

What do I say??

He had already said that he grew up in a Methodist church in his town. I ended up asking him how he got into wicca, what made him interested in it. Not just out of politeness. I really wanted to find out what on earth would make somebody turn from what they'd grown up with ~ a Methodist church, in this case ~ and go into wicca. I wanted to get a little bit of a glimpse into his mindset as to why he would even want to do this.

So we talked...

Guess what I found out.. He said most of the people in his church went there because that is just what you do on Sundays. Sunday rolls around and you go to church. He said, sure, there were some people who really meant it, and they were there a lot more and everything, but most of the people just came because going to church is what you do on Sunday. It was a routine. It was fake. I asked him, just to be sure that is what he meant.

In about 7th or 8th grade, this guy went through a major rebellion. He was miserable, and he made everybody he came in contact with miserable as well. He told me about this one night when he was in his room and he honestly debated on killing himself. He said he had a choice: "suicide or not," as he put it. He chose "not," and he said that with the choice he made came the necessity for something to change.

What he told me is pretty much that he researched a lot of religions and chose the one that he agreed with the most.

My point in telling this story is that we are in need of a change in such a major way. We are turning people off with our hypocrisy as a church. We cannot be fake. We can't be into the ritualistic church-going or rule-following.

Real Christianity is not religion. It is having a relationship with our Creator. I know that is said so much it sounds cliched, but that does not make it any less true.

When I think of religion, I think of the Pharisees in the Bible. They knew all the rules and put the emphasis on that rather than on loving and following Jesus. They were legalistic in what they did.

Hypocrisy is not attractive.

Do you know the song "My Jesus" by Todd Agnew?

"which Jesus do you follow?
which Jesus do you serve?
if ephesians says to imitate Christ
then why do you look so much like the world?

'cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
so which one do you want to be?

blessed are the poor in spirit --
or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness --
or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

'cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
so which one do you want to be?

who is this that you follow
this picture of the american dream
if Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side --
or fall down and worship at His holy feet

pretty blue eyes and curly brown and a clear complexion
is how you see Him as He dies for your sins
but the Word says He was battered and scarred --
or did you miss that part?
sometimes i doubt we'd recognize Him

'cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
so which one do you want to be?

'cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
the blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet
but He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud
i think He'd prefer beale street to the stained glass crowd
and i know that He can hear me if i cry out loud

i want to be like my Jesus

not a posterchild for american prosperity
but like my Jesus
you see i'm tired of living for success and popularity
i want to be like my Jesus but i'm not sure what that means
to be like You Jesus
'cause You said to live like You, love like You
but then You died for me
can i be like You Jesus?
i want to be like my Jesus"

(- Todd Agnew)

Make the effort with me... please. Reach out to others... even those in our churches need to be reached out to. People outside the church are not going to want to give their lives to Christ when we look the same as they do. We have to be different. We have to shine like the moon, reflecting Christ and His love to everyone we come in contact with. We're turning people off and pushing them away with our fakeness and routine acts. We so need to put our heart into living for God. Make it real. Our world is so desperately needing us to be real.

"Be imitators of God, therefore,

as dearly loved children and live a life of love,

just as Christ loved us

and gave himself up for us

as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

- Ephesians 5:1-2

And... pray for me, please, as I continue to work with this guy I was talking with. Pray that I will be open to whatever God leads me to say to him and that I will listen and obey.

"Devote yourselves to prayer,

being watchful and thankful.

And pray for us, too,

that God may open a door for our message,

so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ,

for which I am in chains.

Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should.

Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders;

make the most of every opportunity.

Let your conversation be always full of grace,

seasoned with salt,

so that you may know how to answer everyone."

- Colossians 4:2-6

when our ways are pleasing to God...

2006-10-10T12:23:00.000-05:00

"When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD,

He makes even his enemies live at peace with him."

~ Proverbs 16:7

I ran across this verse recently as I was reading my Bible, and it really caught my attention. I guess I always think of the verse in 2 Chronicles that talks about God healing a land when the people turn to Him, but although I'd read this verse in Proverbs before... it wasn't one that I remembered all that well.

When we live our lives in a way that is pleasing to God... when we obey Him and are God-conscious in whatever we do... then He is going to make even our enemies live at peace with us. An example that comes to my mind is Loving our enemies, and not repaying anyone evil for evil. (see Matthew 5 and Romans 12...) When we Love others as Christ has Loved us, and when we put others above ourselves, that is such a great example, and it reflecting Jesus to all we come in contact with. If we live so as to obey God, then people are going to notice, including our enemies, and we can have a good influence and impact in this way.

At the same time, I think this verse in Proverbs is written in such a way that we can look at it and say that... if we are living to please God, then He is going to bless that. He will bless us with living in peace with our enemies.

In reading this... I thought of how opposite it seems to be of America. And yet, it makes sense. It follows these verses perfectly. America as a whole is not a country that is living so as to obey God. So why then would we be living at peace?? Until our country becomes humble and turns to God... it is not going to get any better. We can look and read that straight from the Bible.

Keep on praying for our country, and for our leaders. It is so crucial.

"If My people,

who are called by My name,

will humble themselves

and pray and seek My face

and turn from their wicked ways,

then will I hear from heaven

and will forgive their sin

and will heal their land."

~ 2 Chronicles 7:14

what Love is...

2006-10-06T15:43:00.000-05:00

Today at work, I was talking to one of the other girls there, and somehow through the course of the morning, it came up that she's been divorced three times. (which I had known, just from hearing her say it, but she'd not specifically told me before...) She said that when she moved from her last apartment to where she is now, she left whatever she couldn't lift herself, because her family would not help her. I just found it all incredibly sad. It is so heart-breaking. If I were in a situation like that, my family would help me. My church would help me. My friends outside of church would help me... I have family and friends all over the place, and if they could find a way to help me, I know without a doubt that they would do it. However they could help. I cannot imagine what it would be like to come from a family that does not love and support you. It is just really foreign to everything I have ever known.

As for her divorcing three times... that breaks my heart too. I am a huge believer that Love is a choice, not a feeling, and when we treat it like a feeling... that is where the problems begin. Love is patient and kind, it is selfless and humble, it doesn't envy... Love gives generously and puts others first.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." (1 Corinthians 13)

Love forgives, protects, trusts...

There is no greater Love than to lay down your life for a friend. (John 15:13)

I cannot ~ and quite honestly, I don't want to ~ imagine life without Love. I have found the greatest Love ever in Jesus, and to fall in Love with Him is the best thing that anybody could ever do. It changes your life all around...

Through learning more of this girl's story, I am being given an opportunity, and I have a choice of what I am going to do with this opportunity. I have the opportunity to continue to get to know her better and to show her God's Love... teach her what it is like through the way I live my life. My choice is whether or not I will take advantage of the opportunity to share His Love with her. I so want to. I am praying for God's wisdom to know what to say to her and when to say it. We had a really good conversation today. And you know, she's ten years older than me, but we talk all the time at work, and I really enjoy talking with her. I believe God has given me this opportunity to befriend her so that, although she's that much older than me, I can teach her through what God has done and continues to do in my own life. I can be an example of God's Love for us all in my words, actions, friendships, etc. I am so excited about it all, as the semester goes on.

"Love's done something"... in my life, and I have this need to share it. We all have this need. Sometimes we just choose to ignore and silence it.

Pray for me, please, as I have this opportunity. I choose to take hold of it and go for it.

let the little children come...

2006-10-03T13:01:00.000-05:00

I took this picture at our Awana registration bonfire about a month ago... (and then I had some fun with our new photo editor, aging it and all...) This is Megan (2 1/2 years old), holding her dog she's affectionately named Old Yeller.

Megan and I were standing by the door last Wednesday, watching the lightning and listening to the thunder. We were talking about the storm, and she was talking about as fast as she could. She is so hilarious, the way she talks so animatedly. :) She is sweet too. And then we started talking about her dogs...Megan is crazy about dogs, but she only has her stuffed animal dogs right now because of where they live in town; it isn't a good place to have a dog since they live on the main road through town. Anyway, we were talking about her dogs, and then Megan told me "When my daddy was a little girl, he had a dog named Jack." She was so serious. :) She is such a fun little girl.

Megan is in my 2-year-old class... at MOPS, and when I fill in for Sunday school teachers.

Anyway, I guess all of that had nothing to do with anything, but I had to share it. Just one of those little fun things... I have lots of stories of the kids Megan's age. :)

Like when I told Reagan I liked her shoes, that they were really cute, and she said, "Thanks. I got them at Target," so grown-up-like. :)

Or when Jenna got a lollipop stuck in her hair and she cried... not because it was stuck in her hair, but because she wanted to eat it and couldn't because it was on the back of her head.

Or when Aubrey's mom came to pick her up and Aubrey immediately exclaimed, "I had fun, Mommy!"

Or when we talked about Moses and the burning bush at MOPS one Tuesday and then I was in with the 2-year-olds for Sunday school the following weekend and our burning bush poster was still up on the wall; we were supposed to be talking about John the Baptist for our Sunday school lesson that day, but when the kids began telling me all about Moses and the bush, we went with Moses for our lesson instead. Why not go with what their attention was already on? I loved how they answered all my questions and pretty much told me what happened with Moses at the burning bush. I know a lot of Sunday school teachers who would have tried to get their attention switched over to John the Baptist for the lesson... and I'm not saying that is wrong and what I did was right. But I chose to just go with Moses over John. I wanted to make the most of their memories from MOPS about the burning bush, and I wanted to encourage them to listen, remember, and retell the lessons.

So yeah, I have lots of stories about the young kids. (Lots about some of the older ones too!) They are so sweet, and so good. And so fun. :)

see the beauty...

2006-10-03T11:04:00.000-05:00

I am not really one to like getting up early in the morning... But I have to be at work at 8:00 on two mornings each week, and 9:00 on my other two mornings each week, so I have this opportunity to watch the sun rise as I drive to from my home to Piqua. Yes, that means I am getting up when it is dark outside... I'll live though. :)

The other day on the way to work/school, I watched the sun coming up, and I got to see these clouds in front of the sun... they made dull orange stripes across the sun's bright yellow-orange glow, and it just struck me how beautiful it was. I thought about how God never grows tired of creating these stripes across the the sun, He never gets bored with making a flower bloom, and He always loves making each snowflake. I love that.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." ~ Ecclesiastes 3:11

(This is a photo that I took last winter of the cattails in our yard.)

worth it all...

2006-09-28T19:19:00.000-05:00

"you are Mine

you are Loved

you have always been thought of

when you hurt I feel it every time

you are Mine

you are Loved

and I'm never giving up

till I've dried all the tears you cry

long before you took a breath

I took your pain upon My chest

I knew your name

I heard you call

and it was worth it all

it was worth it all

You are worth it all..."

~ from "worth it all"... by ffh

I love how this song is written from God's perspective. We are His, and we are Loved. So Loved. We need to act like we are His though. Really believe it and live like it. This whole cd is written from His perspective ("Voice From Home" by FFH). A cry to us to believe and to come to Him, to let Him Love us.

this is where i see You... part 2

2006-09-26T18:07:00.002-05:00

This is where I see You...

One of my camp girls from my cabin in July called me the other night, and it was the highlight of my day... or maybe the highlight of my whole weekend. :) I'd gotten a couple of letters from Julie, but we hadn't actually talked since July, so it had been a while. We talked about everything random... from school to staying up late to camp to whatever came to mind. I saw Him in that opportunity to talk with Julie. It was so fun to pick up the phone and recognize her voice before she even told me who she was.

I saw Him in our "Fishers of Men" sing-along last week. How many people would be embarrassed to sing a "little-kid song" like that? Hey, it was fun, and I think the pre-schoolers loved it that everybody else knew their song and sang it along with them. :)

I see Him in the beauty of His creation. I love when the seasons change and I get to see the leaves turn colors and fall from the trees. I love to watch the snow fall, and to look at the intricately beautiful design of each one. I love the smell of spring and the newness of the world... and I love the energy of summer.

It is so great to watch the ways God loves to show us Himself. It is often in the smallest things... maybe the things it is so easy to miss. But I think that so often it is those very small and seemingly unsignificant things that turn out to be the most important and significant. They are the things that teach me the most and that humble me the most.

Look at how God Loves us... see how lovely His creation is, and how much more He loves us than everything else we can see. His Love is so big... how can I even wrap my mind around it??

"how can i keep from singing Your praise

how can i ever say enough

how amazing is Your Love

how can i keep from shouting Your name

i know i am Loved by the King

and it makes my heart want to sing..."

~ "how can i keep from singing"... by chris tomlin

I will make you fishers of men...

2006-09-23T16:47:00.000-05:00

Last Sunday, the pre-school kids all got up on stage and sang one of the Sunday school songs that we all learned when we were that age...

"I will make you fishers of men
fishers of men
fishers of men
I will make you fishers of men
if you follow Me

if you follow Me
if you follow Me
I will make you fishers of men
if you follow Me..."

They had hand motions to go with it (you know, acting like they are casting their fishing line...) and they were absolutely adorable. I love kids.

Anyway, after they sang, while the kids were still all assembled on the stage, the most incredible thing happened... The worship team came back up on stage, and sang along with the kids, leading the whole congregation in this Sunday school song. :) I so loved it. It was fun to sing along with the kids like that.

I work with pre-school age kids a lot anyway, but I know that the majority of the people in the sanctuary do not. The kids get up and sing, and everybody thinks they are just the cutest kids as they sing their little song and then go on their way, back to their classrooms. And I mean, they are cute. They are sweet. But why watch them from a distance when we can be involved in their lives and teach them about God and about Love? I think it is easy for people to watch and listen to the kids sing, or for people to even teach a pre-school class, and look down on the kids. It is usually very unintentional, but I still see it all the time. It is so easy to think of them as "just kids"... but God made them too. God Loves them just as much as he loves grown-ups. I think He so loves the way small children will befriend anybody and everybody, without looking at them judgmentally or critically. They are not going to shun someone because of dirty clothes or a handicap or whatever.

It can be really humbling to work with kids. It often puts me in situations where I am not really acting my age. But you know, there is nothing wrong with that. Just have fun with the kids. Be a good example to them. Be goofy. Sing their Sunday school songs with them. Watch a "little-kid" movie. Read them a book... over and over and over (and they definitely will ask that sometimes!) If I don't relate to the kids, then how am I going to teach them about God? How can I live like Him, how can I live Him to them? Jesus always made the little children welcome. He would never turn them away or say that He did't have time for them right then. Shouldn't I be just like Him? (Philippians 2; 1 John 2:5-6; Mark 10:14)

He will make us fishers of men... if we follow Him. Sometimes that means we are fishers of children. Little children. And that means getting on the floor and playing with them. It means speaking 2-year-old language. (I don't even know how many different 2-year-olds I have worked with, but they all have those words that you just have to know what they are saying to understand them... I've learned to speak Josh, and Stevie, and Lydia, and Megan, and Ethan, and Ellie, and Eli, etc...) :) Whatever it means to follow God in our specific situations, we must be willing to do that. And if we follow God... He will make us fishers of men. :)

let our worlds collide

2006-09-17T16:59:00.000-05:00

"wrestle with the things i saw
stepping through the door
knowing things won't be the same
when i get back on the plane
i look into your eyes
and i feel like i know you
so far removed our lives
but so close inside
let our worlds collide

el salvador
el salvador
you'll never know what you have done
you'll never know what has begun
you left your mark on me
you left your mark on me

wrestle with the things i saw
stepping through the door
circumstances are beyond your control
i see your hands they touch my soul
this memory i'll always hold

i know more now than i have ever, ever known before
i learned more in one day than i have learned all years before
don't let my heart grow cold
for this i've seen and you have shown
beyond this space, this time
we must let our worlds collide..."

~ "el salvador"... phil joel

No, I haven't been to El Salvador. But I have been other places that have had this effect on me. I've been on six missions trips so far... to Dayton, Ohio... Mississauga, Canada... Sydney, Australia... Jackson, Kentucky... Chicago, Illinois... Managua, Nicaragua.... Each place and the people there had great impacts on my life and on my mindset, all in different ways.

In Dayton, one thing I learned about was the value of having a missions team. We were a team, brothers and sisters, on a mission to share with others. It was my first missions trip ever, and I know now that I had so much to learn. I still do, but I think that at that point I thought I had more figured out than I really did.

When we went to Mississauga, I learned to Love. I learned how to really fall in Love with Jesus and how to carry that Love over into my relationships with others... how to let it overflow into my life. I learned a lot about how a team works on that trip too, because our team was having some major problems; I was one of about three people who could talk to anybody on the whole team throughout the whole trip. In order to be effective, we have to let our lives reflect God and what He has done for us and in our lives. We have to be Jesus to others. Another thing I learned in Canada was to not complain. Up until then, I wouldn't say I complained about everything, but complaining was not something I really thought a lot about... sometimes I just did it though. In that humid heat... I made this decision to not complain anymore about humidity and heat. I'll acknowledge that, yes, it is hot and humid out, but I won't complain about it. Find something to be glad about. There is always, always something we can be thankful for. :) Always.

Syndey... what memories... wow, it is so hard to believe that we went there over three years ago!! In Sydney I learned about being willing to just jump in and do whatever I was called or asked to do. Don't question why God wants you to do something. Don't ever question the point. He will show you in His timing what the purpose was for it. It might be hard to trust... but do it anyway. Trust God that He knows what He is doing. He knows the plans He has for us. They are plans to prosper us, not to harm us. They are plans to give us hope, and to give us a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) God always, always knows what He is doing. I promise. He taught me a lot in Sydney about trusting Him, just jumping in and going for it... stepping out of my comfort zone. How much am I really trusting Him if I don't get outside the little box where I'm comfortable? He gave me the opportunity to play the piano a couple of times there... one of those times was for a church service. I didn't know most of the people there. But I wasn't nervous. I had to just trust God and go for it.

In Jackson... my first trip as a leader... I learned about the huge effect a simple smile can have on somebody. This sweet, sweet lady at the Happy Church, Margaret, taught me so much. Let me tell you about Margaret... she is a petite lady, maybe in her early 30's. She has an adorable daughter named Lori, who was two years old at that time. One of Margaret's arms is kind of shrivelled and unusable, and she just holds it close to her body and does everything she needs with her other arm. I don't know what happened to her arm; I don't know if it has always been that way or not. That doesn't matter though. She had a college degree, but she didn't have a good job because she had a little girl to watch and take care of (she didn't have relatives or anybody there to take care of her) and also couldn't do some things with her arm. I got to talk with Margaret a little here and there during our weekend trip to Jackson, and something I noticed about her is that she never complained. She was just so sweet and joyful. She always had a smile. She had situations in her life that were less than desirable, but she made the choice to have joy instead of complaining or blaming God for the way her life was. Then... right before my team and I left to drive home... Margaret made sure to get a minute to talk with me. She told me she loved my smile. I'd had an impact on her life through sharing a smile with her... And yet, her comment made me feel so unworthy, because I mean, what did I do for her? She is the one who inspired me, right? I guess it goes both ways. Just know that people are watching our choices and reactions; they watch our smiles. We can have such a great impact.

When we went to Chicago in June of 2005, we had a huge lack of communication between us and the people in charge of the ministry we were working with there. We ended up having misconceived expectations of what we were going there to do and of what it would be like working with their ministry. It is a really great ministry... There was just a lack of communication on both our parts. One of our other leaders and I went with the expectation of getting to actually work with the kids more than we ended up being able to. Donna and I were assigned the job of making lunch for about 50 - 60 kids each day for day camp, so we ended up in the kitchen most of the time. After both lunch shifts had eaten and we finally got everything cleaned up, we were able to go and actually spend some time with the kids and with our team, but we didn't have the opportunity to really get to know the Chicago kids like the rest of the team did. What did I learn from this? I learned to be flexible. Things don't always go the way we want them to. They often do not go as we plan. God's plans are better than ours though. His ways are higher than ours. (Isaiah 55:8-9) When things go differently from what we expect... make the most of it. Learn from it. Have fun. Neither of us expected to be in the kitchen all day, but it was fun to just have that time to talk about random things and get to know each other better. And we have stories to tell from our kitchen times now too.

And Managua... I don't think there are words in the English language to describe everything I learned there. The no-complaining commitment from Canada is still in effect. Yeah, it was definitely very hot and humid in Nicaragua!! When you are on your 3rd and 4th showers after spending just barely 24 hours in the country, that is pretty hot and humid. :) We made the best of it though. And you know, I never thought I would enjoy a cold shower. In Nicaragua we often chose cold showers over hot ones.... That is something you'll rarely find in the U.S.! Just before leaving for Nicaragua, I read this book by Ted Dekker called The Martyr's Song. It talked a lot about everyone being beautiful. Our human eyes may not see them that way, but we need to learn to see everyone as beautiful, because... God made everyone. We are all beautiful to Him. We need to see others as God sees them. At the first church service we went to, I saw a little girl (probably about 4 years old...) whose eyes were crossed, and I just felt this deep Love for her. It never would occur to me not to love her. God Loves her, and so do I. It just struck me as we worshipped with these people in Los Brasilles and I watched this little girl and others... it struck me how beautiful she is. Beauty is what we make it... If we see ourselves as beautiful, just as God sees us as beautiful... then others will learn to see us the same way. And those who can't learn to see us as God sees us... well, they don't have God's Love in their lives. The song I quoted by Phil Joel says "wrestle with the things I saw... knowing things won't be the same when I get back on the plane... let our worlds collide... you left your mark on me... I know more now... I learned more in one day than I have learned all years before..." This describes my experience in Nicaragua so well. Wrestling with the things I saw... the people living in the garbage dump, the children's home kids, the village kids and their living conditions, the joy in the Nica churches, the hospitality of the Nicas... No, things are not the same when you get back on the plane. How much I learned there... How great an impact God used it to make on my life and heart. Nicaragua and its people left their mark on me. Let our worlds collide. We need our worlds to collide.

I could go on and on about things I learned on each of these trips... from the people there, etc. But I think it is enough to say that they all have left their marks on me. God has used the people and circumstances in each place to grow me and work in my heart and in my life. I cannot even begin to describe how much He has grown me in the past six years as I have been involved with missions team. It is incredible to be a part of God working and to know that He is using us in His work, as well as growing us at the same time. I so love to watch Him work. "You left your mark on me... Let our worlds collide..."

the crocodile hunter... by ray comfort

2006-09-14T08:22:00.000-05:00

The Crocodile Hunter- By Ray Comfort

It's not often that someone from down-under is the lead story on primetime TV. The fact that presidents from other countries die is a big deal, but they don't get to head the news. Some don't even get the tail. But when Stephen Robert Irwin was suddenly killed on September 4th, 2006, he was number one.

Steve Irwin was an Australian naturalist, wildlife expert, a well-known and colorful personality, and was best known for the television program "The Crocodile Hunter."

But his death didn't come as a shock to most who knew of him. How he died, did. Like many others who had watched him get up close and personal with dangerous animals, I thought it was just a matter of time until he would be mortally attacked by a crocodile or bitten by a poisonous snake. But that didn't happen. Instead, he was tragically stabbed through the heart by a stingray that was apparently only trying to defend itself. His distraught manager and close friend said that he "lived beyond the edge but seemed invincible." But none of us are invincible. Time will prove that to be true.

I become frustrated when I hear of the sudden unexpected death of any famous person. I want to grab this blind and unthinking world by the ear and shout "Hey, wake up. Death is a reality. It will come to you. You are not invincible. Please open your heart to the gospel." I want to seize the moment before the shock of another celebrity death wears off.

The Crocodile Hunter was passionate about the preservation of any endangered species--even if they were snakes and crocodiles. Perhaps you are a compassionate person and also have a deep concern about preserving animals. Then may I encourage you to do your part to preserve a forgotten endangered species--the dying human race. Doing this will not only make your life count for something in eternity, but it will also cater to you, if you are one who likes to live on the edge.

There is a forgotten and effective way to do this. It is something that Jesus did. It's also something the Apostle Paul, Peter, Stephen and John did. It's something that was done by Charles Spurgeon, George Whitefield and John Wesley. It's arguably scarier than jumping headlong out of a plane or messing with snakes and crocodiles. It's called "open air preaching."
Open air preaching is where you stand up in front of a God-hating world and preach His message of everlasting life. There's no applause. There's no pat on the back from an appreciative world. You probably won't make the lead on primetime news. Not even if you die doing it.

Steve Irwin left a huge and lasting legacy, and now that he's gone his words have become even more meaningful. Death tends to do that. He said, "I believe that education is all about being excited about something. Seeing passion and enthusiasm helps push an educational message." This is true. Of all the things a Christian should be passionate about, saving sinners from Hell has to be high on the priority list. So educate yourself on how to reach them, and then educate the world on how and why they need to be saved.

When Steve died he was described by the CEO of Queensland's Royal Society for Protection of Cruelty to Animals as a "modern-day Noah." We tend to forget that Noah was more than passionate about preserving endangered species. He did something about which the world rarely hears. Scripture calls him a "preacher of righteousness." He was an open air preacher. He faithfully pleaded with a sinful and violent world to get right with a just and holy God, and warned them that God was going to judge them in righteousness. They laughed at Noah and his ark then, and they laugh at Noah and his ark now. Despite the mountain of evidence, most deny that there was even a world-wide flood.

We are living in the days that Jesus called "the days of Noah," and as in the days of Noah there is violence throughout the earth and the imagination of men's hearts is continually evil. These are dark times, but like Noah, we must be faithful preachers of righteousness, and if demons hiss and sinners snarl--if the endangered species fights against us, we have a strong consolation. Jesus said, "Behold, I give to you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you."

So while you are still in the land of the living, live on the edge of eternity. Don't listen to your fears. Listen to your faith. Be passionate about reaching the lost. Learn how to show this world that they are in mortal danger. Convince them that they are not in a place to argue with God--that a drowning man should keep his mouth closed. And follow the footsteps of those who through faith "stopped the mouths of lions," and never forget that "the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly."

http://www.livingwaters.com/columns_ray/

being an example...

2006-09-13T15:34:00.000-05:00

As I write, I am sitting here listening to a new (as in the last couple of months...) band called Pink House. They're playing "Blessed Be Your Name" at the moment, practicing right behind me. Okay, so they are only ages 10, 12, and 13.... but they're really great. I am going to be making a website for them for my final project for my internet development class this semester, so the link will be going up on here when I get to that point.

Anyway, I love their joy. The joy in their music.. It is so great. So fun. So... yeah, they are a good new band. You'd not guess their ages just from hearing them! :)

They are, at this point, doing a lot of covering of songs. They're doing "Blessed Be Your Name" by Matt Redman, some Todd Proctor songs, "Big House" by Audio Adrenaline (only... they changed it. They made their own version of it called "Pink, Pink House").... and they are also actually writing some of their own songs. There's one in particular that I love. It has some of the best lyrics, and it is just really good. And "Blessed Be Your Name"... well, that is their classic song. The one they started with, practicing while I was in Nicaragua. I never heard them until Awana camp. Then they played it in church too.

So... watch for Pink House.... :) You know, they remind me of this verse that says not to let anyone ever look down on you because you're young, but to instead be an example to the world in how you live and talk... in your purity and in your love. (1 Timothy 4:12) I love that verse. So many people think that kids can't live up to their expectations. But they don't have to. They need to be an example. Be a good role model. Live so that people can look up to you ~ whether they are older or younger than you. That is my goal. I want my life to be worth looking up to.

being effective and productive...

2006-09-12T13:28:00.000-05:00

I came across this passage the other day in reading my Bible...

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. Through these He has given us His very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins." ~ 2 Peter 1:3-9

I know I'd read these verses before... but something about them struck me in a new way this time around....

See... God has given us everything we need to live for Him and to escape the corruption of the world. Because of this, we are told here that we need to "make every effort" to add goodness to our faith. Add knowledge to that goodness, self-control to knowledge, perseverance to our self-control. We need to add godliness to perseverance, brotherly kindness to godliness... and to brotherly kindness, we need to add love. Wow, that's a lot of characteristics, but... they all fit together. You cannot have love without all the other qualities. Love binds it all together. (Colossians 3:14) They overlap; we need to add ALL of them to our lives. Not just pick and choose what looks good for the moment or what fits into our plans.

We are to "possess these qualitites in increasing measure." So... we are supposed to grow in them. Keep growing in them, keep adding them to our lives. If we do this, they will keep us from "being ineffective and unproductive in our knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." I love that. I don't want to be ineffective or unproductive. I want my life to make a difference. Our lives will be effective and productive when we are living as Christ lived. When we are growing in Him, growing in these characteristics, that is when we will be productive and effective for Him.

And if we don't have these qualities in our lives... if we are not growing in them constantly... then we are blind to the truth that we have been forgiven. I thought of the verse where Jesus said that those who have been forgiven of much love much, and those who haven't don't love much. When we forget that we've been forgiven... we are so blind.

If we are going to claim to belong to Jesus, then we need to live like it. (Philippians 2) We need to walk as Jesus walked... live as He lived. (1 John 2:5-6) When we are living like Him, we will be contagious...

"... maybe a greater thing will happen ~

maybe all will see

maybe our Love will catch like fire

as it burns through me..."

~ from "beautiful love"... the afters

this is where i see You...

2006-09-10T18:26:00.000-05:00

"in an airplane
i take the window seat
a thousand feet,
and all i know shrinks in minutes
when the sky is gray i want to believe
that when the sun is hiding it still exists

in an airplane
are kings and common men
at the window side by side,
their view is now the same
some relax and rest their eyes
some sit on the edge
as we all break through the clouds, into the light of day

mountain tops peak through
this is where i see You
i've never seen a clearer blue
this is where i see You

leave behind your busy life
all you have is who you are
space like this is hard to find, so breathe it in
someone will say, 'where are you heading?'
and it might be the first time you ever thought about it

a baby's talking two rows behind me
the sun just set for the second time today
You seem to use the smallest things around me
to get me to this place"

~ "airplane"... bethany dillon

This is where I see You. Yeah... I've had some of those experiences this summer on planes. It always amazes me the ways in which God chooses to show us Himself. I don't want to ever let it stop amazing me. I want to always be in awe of who He is.

Have you ever stopped to think about where you see Him? Like Bethany says in this song, He seems to use the smallest things around us to get us to this place. At lunch today (which happened to be a picnic at church after the service...), Lydia was sitting to my left, and Eli was sitting just across the aisle on my right. They are both three years old, and I've had them both in my MOPS class, as well as in Sunday school, and besides that, I babysit Eli and his siblings. So they both know me pretty well. Anyway, as I was eating, something made me look over to where Lydia was sitting, and she had her hands up to her eyes, making a sort of binoculars with her fingers, and she was looking at me through them. Then a little while later, I looked up at Eli, and he was sneaking glances in my direction. Then he'd wave to me, and I'd wave to him, and we went back and forth for probably a full minute or two, one of us waving, and then the other. Lydia poked me with her snow cone straw, and Eli squinted through his eyes at me... I had such a fun lunch time. :) I love these kids.

Where have you seen God lately? In June, I saw Him every day in the eyes of the Nica children. I saw Him in the beauty of the palm trees and everything tropical. I saw God in the lovely clouds above the garbage dump where thousands of people live, digging for food and things to sell. It was as if He was saying to me that even in the midst of the garbage dump, even in the midst of the homeless people there, He is still God, and there is still beauty. I saw Him there. I saw Him as I watched the ground from the windows of ten different planes this summer, and as I watched the clouds move under and around us. I saw Him in the smile of my friend in May, when we had the opportunity to get together after six years, and again a couple of days ago in talking with him on the phone.

You know, I think sometimes we miss seeing God because we don't expect Him to turn up in certain places. I know I have been so surprised at some of the places where I have seen Him. A garbage dump where people live does not really seem like a very likely place to find God. But when we are listening to Him, when we are walking in step with Him (Galatians 5:25)... we're going to be more in tune with Him and see Him. He so loves to show us Himself, and He so often loves to use some crazy ways to show us and teach us about Him, and about who He really is.

This is where I see You...

the blessing of joy..

2006-09-08T13:08:00.000-05:00

At work today, I was working with this lady who's in an algebra class. We were working on inequalities and all that fun stuff (do you sense the sarcasm? the "fun" stuff... haha. but I really don't mind helping with it) but in working with this lady, I noticed something. No matter what I tried to tell her or help her see and understand, she had an excuse. It was just like she was determined to complain and have a bad attitude about her homework. Yes, it is some really time-consuming and frustrating stuff. But... why not make the best of it? I fail to see the point of having a negative attitude... So maybe you don't enjoy math. I don't. It's just not my thing. I'd so much rather have my nose in a good book or have my fingers on the piano keys. That is just me. But even when we don't enjoy something, we can still have joy throughout it. When we have a negative attitude and just complain about everything we can dream of, it makes us so hard to get along with. People have an incredibly difficult time working with us, because we make it difficult.

My point here is not to criticize this lady who I was tutoring, but rather to find some good from the situation I had today. I had to find a way to still have a good attitude and be joyful and smile, even when she was so discouraging me. Just before working with her, I'd worked with a young guy, and he made every effort to listen and understand what I told him about the various kinds of problems. His whole mindset was completely opposite of the mindset the lady I was helping out had. When he didn't understand something... he would talk through it with me until he did understand, and he read each problem carefully. I enjoyed working with him, because he appreciated the help. They both technically came into the Learning Center for help with their math, but in reality, only the guy really wanted help.

After I got off of work, I got to talk for a few minutes with one of my dear friends... That would encourage me anytime, but since I knew that phone call was coming, it gave me something to really look forward to as I sat there trying to work with the difficult student. So anyway, I guess my point is... make the effort to have joy. Find a way to be a blessing to others. Who wants to be a discouragement for others? It is so much more fun to be a blessing, to be joyful.

Joy to you all.

i wish...

2006-09-05T13:43:00.000-05:00

"for just a moment
i wish i could have been there
to see Your first step, hear Your very first word
tell me, did You ever fall and scrape Your knee?
did You know Your wounds would one day heal the world?
for just one moment
i wish i could have seen You growing
learning the ways of a carpenter's son
just a little boy gazing at the stars --
did You remember creating every one?
if You passed by, would i have seen a child or a King?
or would i have known?

i wish i could have been there
my only wish is to see You face to face
i wish i could have been there
just to see You, Jesus, face to face

for just a moment
i wish i could have been there
when You left Your footprints upon the waves
to walk along beside You, never look away
just Your whisper and the wind and sea obey
to see You feed the people
to feel the healing in Your touch

to hear You pray in the garden alone
laying down Your will with each tear
to see You walk that lonely road
willing to die for me

and in that moment
i know i should have been there
You took my cross and gave Your life

but You live again!
i wish is could have been there
i wish that i could have seen You rise again

i wish i could have been there
my only wish is to see You face to face
someday i'll be there, i'm gonna be there
i'll see Your face, Your mercy and grace
someday, someday
i'm gonna see You, Jesus
face to face"

~ "wish"... joy williams

How desperately do we wish that we could have been there? I love thinking about if I had had the opportunity to be there and watch as Jesus grew up. Wouldn't it have been the most incredible thing to be childhood friends with Him? This song has such beautiful poetry, yet such real instances. It takes what, for some, is far out of reach, or so we think, and brings it into what we can understand. Jesus put on the skin of a human so He could reach out to us. He wanted to show us His love... how much He loves us.

"[He], being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!" (Philippians 2:6-8)

He had everything, but He wanted to show us love, so He made Himself nothing... that is so humbling to me. And it makes me want even more to obey: "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus..." (Philippians 2:5) No, it doesn't mean I'm going to be called to die for someone as He died for us. But it does mean that I need to make every effort to put others above myself. To put the interests of others ahead of my own. To be humble, and to be patient. To love others as Jesus loves them. (John 13:34) "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." (John 13:35, ESV)

"Love's done something"...

2006-09-04T10:37:00.000-05:00

"life was a roller coaster ride
pushin' me up, down, side to side
i could barely hold on, spinnin' out of control
i was lost, lost like a ship in the deep blue sea
like an angel of light You came to rescue me
You must have found something special in me

Your love's done something to me
changed my life completely
You're everything
the one and only thing that i need
every day i'm walking on sunshine
i am Yours and You're mine
tonight i feel like i'm on top of the world

as i soar through the starry sky across the galaxy
on the wings of Your love forever carrying me
i've only begun, there's so much more to see
lock me up, throw away the key
i'm a prisoner of love, but i never felt so free
You've given me more than i ever dreamed

i've always felt there had to be something more
worth livin' and dying for
now i know that something is You
this is how life was meant to be
just having You here with me
with You, just You, together forevermore

life was a roller coaster ride
pushin' me up, down, side to side
i could barely hold on spinnin' out of control"

~ "Love's done something"... casting pearls

I so love this song. It is so fun and bouncy, yet more than that, it has this great meaning... God's love has done something in my life, and yeah, there are some hard times. There are some really, incredibly hard times, but that does not mean that He is not here with me. He is always with me. His love won't leave me. I love the joy found in this song. His love has done something to me, changed my life so completely, turned it upside down. God's love is like that. It won't take away our hard times, but it will give us joy throughout the hard times. God's love gives me something to smile about when I don't have anything at all to smile about. He gives me the joy that is in my heart. This song says, "every day I'm walking on sunshine..." that is joy.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again ~ Rejoice!" (Philippians 4:4)

Be glad. Find joy in today. God made today.

"This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!" (Psalm 118:24)

He wants us to be glad and find joy in His creation. That is what I want to do... I want to be full of joy. Always. And really, I have every reason to be. God's love has done something in my life; it has given me joy. It's given me life... it's given me love.

what kind of faith...

2006-09-01T10:35:00.000-05:00

In reading about Elijah recently, I was thinking about how much faith he must have had. To go in front of a huge crowd of people, dump tons of water on an altar, and then ask God to burn the offering... he had to really have faith that God would do it. I believe God could do it, but... I am disappointed to have to say that somehow I think I would not have been able to do what Elijah did. I so want to be able to do that though. I want to have that kind of faith. To stand up in front of those people like he did... they must have thought he was crazy. Not that I care what people think of me... because I really couldn't care less, but just to believe like that. That is what I want.

In James chapter 5, it tells about how Elijah prayed for it to not rain, and it didn't rain. Then it tells us that he prayed for God to send rain after three and a half years, and it rained.... "Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops." (James 5:17-18) Every time I read these verses, I am reminded of our missions trip to Canada. One day when we were going to our park program, it was supposed to storm, and you could tell by looking at the sky that it could really start at any minute. We could not have our program if it stormed, so we prayed about it. We prayed that it would not rain. Well, all but one of us on my park program team prayed for it to not rain. One guy, Phil, prayed specifically for "sprinkles"... It did not storm on our program. It sprinkled though. And as our program was drawing to a close that afternoon, we could see the lightning starting in the distance and working its way toward us. We started to hear the thunder, and then... it began to rain. Not just sprinkle, but really rain hard, just as we finished up our program for the day and packed our stuff into the van.

That day has stuck with me for the four years since then... I always remember how we all prayed for it not to rain, but Phil prayed for sprinkles... and he got his sprinkles. God answers prayer. That was a direct answer. He doesn't always give us what we want in the way that we want it, but He always gives us what is best for us to have. He works everything together for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28) So then... why can we not just trust Him? Why don't we have faith like Elijah? It doesn't take a lot... Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20) I guess faith as small as a mustard seed is more than so many of us today have. I want some mustard seed faith. I want faith like Elijah.

back to school and making it count...

2006-08-31T14:13:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow marks the end of my first week back to school... It seems so strange to be back in school again already, as if last semester had just ended. But my summer was packed full of trips and activities, and now it is time for school again.

I got a job in the Learning Center at school, and I get to tutor people who come in for help with their classes. I love to interact with others, and I love to be able to be an encouragement and a help, so I am really excited about it.

As for my classes, I only have one friend in one class who I already knew (I know her from church and from babysitting her kids), but I've gotten to talk with several others and am making some more new friends. That's always cool. I've made some friends with my job too... some of them are way different from me, and others aren't so different. There are a couple of people in particular who I'm working with who I think will be so encouraging and fun to work with. That is a really great thing to be able to tell on your first few days.

Awana starts back up next week, as well as my piano lessons. We're having our big-deal Awana bonfire this coming Sunday, where a lot of the kids come and register. And then, probably like next Friday, I am going to be starting teaching piano to a girl from church. The following Tuesday morning, our new MOPS-like program is starting. I am excited about that too, because I love my 2-year-olds and miss them when I'm not teaching them.

You know, I remember when I was really little, everybody would tell me that the older you get, the faster time flies by. It was one of those things that I heard all the time but never really believed simply because time seemed so abundant at that point. But... as I have grown up, I've learned the truth of what I was told then... time really does fly right past you, and... we've got to make the most of it. Our lives will be gone before we know it. They could end tomorrow, for all we know. I want mine to count, I want to make a difference for God. I want to have that abundant life that Jesus talks about in John 10:10. So... I cannot waste one minute. I want every minute, every second... I want all my life to be productive for Him. I want Him to tell me that I did a good job with what He gave me to do. Because... you know, He has things planned out that He wants me specifically to do. I want to obey Him with my life.

"like the sun swallowed up by the earth..."

2006-08-24T15:43:00.000-05:00

"until You came
i was just the same
as everybody else
whoever saw the light and turned away

You love me now
You loved me then
and every now and again
You show me how it would be if i'd gone the other way

after all this time i've come to find my soul's fragility
but You've rectified my frailty by Your strength

it's like the sun swallowed up by the earth
like atomic bombs in reverse
as if a glass could contain the sea
that's the way You are in me
that's the way You are

now here i stand looking back
to the way things used to be
but i will never be alone again

You're with me
and now i see
what it means to me
to be a part of such a mystery

after all this time i've come to find my soul's fragility
but You've rectified my frailty by Your strength

it's like the sun swallowed up by the earth
like atomic bombs in reverse
as if a glass could contain the sea
that's the way You are to me
that's the way You are..."

~ "the way You are"... the afters

I so love this song... it describes so well the way God is and how He is so big. It tells about how He changes us and how He fills us... School's starting on Monday, and this semester is no different from any other, in that I want to have an impact. I want to not just leave an impression on the people there for a little while, but I want to really make an impact on the lives of the people I come in contact with. I want, when I walk into the school, for it to be like this song... just like God is for me... I want Him to be that through me too. Like the sun swallowed up by the earth. Like atomic bombs in reverse. As if a glass could contain the sea. I want what He is to me to be something uncontainable. I want to be the one that holds Him high, even when nobody else does. Throughout my last semester there, I had the opportunity to get to know a lot of the Campus Crusade students, and a lot of them were great, but at the same time... a lot did not live out what they claimed with their mouths. Actions speak louder than words. If we don't live what we say, then it is not real. See James 2; he has a lot to say about dead faith. I want to hold Him high and give Him praise, even when it might not be the popular thing to do. That is what I'm choosing to do. It's been my goal of each semester that I've been in school... but somehow it's a renewed goal this time. My goal is to not just share with my life and my actions and by what I do & don't say, but to go and initiate conversations in which I can share. I've gotten a lot out of the Way of the Master dvds, and in California a few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to put some feet to what I'd been hearing over and over and learning. The opportunities I had didn't really go as I'd planned, but it was still so great to go and share like that. That is a goal I have for this semester... hold me to it... please. Accountability is such a blessing.

"i want to be the one that holds You high
i want to be the one that gives You glory – only
i want to be the one that holds You high
i want to be the one that brings You praise"

~ "hold You high"... by the tree

"mercy in me"... todd agnew

2006-08-23T09:15:00.000-05:00

"a poor man on the corner
i could give to You by buying him lunch
but i rarely think about it
‘cause i got a little but it’s not that much
and i pray 'Lord won’t You help me
give me a little bit more for myself'
and You say 'child won’t you let me
take all that you got and give you a little real wealth'

and i don’t know what You want
what You see in my life
and i don’t know what You mean
how You could be glorified
and i’m not too sure about this idea of sacrifice
what You mean by mercy, mercy in me
Your mercy in me

a young girl in an old house
three kids and another on the way
she’s in desperate need of some new clothes
but i keep my old ones and tell her i’ll pray for her
but Your heart breaks for those kids
and that child of a mom who’s one of Your own
when a few gifts and a little time is another crown
i could lay at the feet of Your throne"

"broken and beautiful"... mark schultz

2006-08-23T08:55:00.000-05:00

"there’s a businessman, there’s a widowed wife
a smiling face with a shattered life
a teenage girl with a choice to make
it’s crowded here in church today
and the preacher says as the sermon ends
'please close your eyes, bow your heads
is there anyone in need of prayer,
oh Jesus wants to meet you here”
cause we all fall short, and we all have sinned
but when you let, God’s grace break in

it’s beautiful, beautiful
come as you are
surrender your heart
broken and beautiful

well he’d never been to church before
but he came today as a last resort
his world was crashing in
and he was suffocating in his sin
but tears rolled down as hope rushed in
he closed his eyes, raised his hands
worshipping the God who can
bring him back to life again

and it’s beautiful, beautiful
come as you are
surrender your heart
broken and beautiful, beautiful
come as you are
surrender your heart
broken and beautiful

cause there’s nothing more beautiful at all
than when His sons and daughters call, broken
hallelujah, hallelujah
come as you are hallelujah, hallelujah
come as you are

broken and beautiful, beautiful
come as you are
surrender your heart
broken and beautiful, beautiful
come as you are
surrender your heart
broken and beautiful
come as you are
broken and beautiful, beautiful
come as you are
surrender your heart
broken and beautiful
broken and beautiful
broken and beautiful
beautiful"

I was listening to this song the other day, and as I took in the words, I realized how much it fits the church today. Every situation mentioned in this song... there are those same people in my church. There's businessmen, there are widowed wives, there's a teenage girl with a choice to make.... It makes the song so personal. I hear God saying through it, "No matter what you've done, just come to Me as you are. A surrendered heart is all I want from you. I will take it and make you new and bring you back to life again." A surrendered heart, really, in all its brokenness, is so very beautiful.

when i fell in love...

2006-08-22T13:43:00.000-05:00

I don't have a traditional "love story" like so many do... In 2002, I went on a missions trip to Mississauga, Canada (Toronto area) with our missions team from church. Shortly before leaving for Canada, I'd read this quote, "You can never, ever love too much." I thought it was a great quote, but I didn't realize just how true it was.

Throughout our week in Canada, we put on a "park program" (as we called it) each afternoon, telling Bible stories, doing little skits, making balloon animals, and just having fun with the kids there. Before our program started one day, this little boy named Shafka (it was a really culturally diverse neighborhood...) who was about 4, maybe 5, asked me if I'd play on the playground with him. I so considered answering him, "not right now." I mean, it was like 104 degrees out there, and SO humid! Who in their right mind would want to run around on the playground, playing with this little boy in this kind of weather?... Right? No. I discovered the error in the mindset and attitude I had at that moment. I had read that quote... "You can never, ever love too much." And even that week, I'd been reading in the Bible all about love. How we are supposed to love God and others... And then at that moment, with my answer of "maybe later, when it's cooler" on the tip of my tongue, everything I'd been reading came to my mind. I didn't think through it a lot, or stand and ponder the hypocrisy of the attitude I had had, but I instead I made a choice. I made this very deliberate choice to love. Because, you can never, ever love too much. So I played with Shafka. In the humid heat of that afternoon in late June/early July of 2002. We ran up and down the playground, and I pushed him on the swings... He told me he wanted to swing to the moon. I don't remember a whole lot about that day, but I do remember the joy and love of that afternoon.

I remember a little girl from our park program too... She was 3 1/2, and her name was Monika (sp?)... Her grandpa brought her to our program, and I remember that she knew only a few English words. She sat right beside me during the story and leaned over to me at different times during the afternoon, whispering in her language.

I remember another little girl... this one was a little older, maybe 5 or 6 years old. Her name was Ria. We had these gel pens that were for face/hand "painting" and when I asked Ria what she wanted on her hand, she told me "a Barbie doll." So... I drew her a Barbie doll. It didn't particularly look like one to me, but she was happy. On the way back to the college where we were staying, I told my team about it, and they were all like "wow, I would have just said, 'uh... can you pick something else?'"...

These stories stick in my memory, and when I think of that trip, they are what I remember most. I tell these stories now, not to praise myself for choosing to love and just go for it, regardless of how hot and humid it was out there, but I tell them because I love to remember, and because I want to encourage others to love. Love no matter what it means. Whatever form that love takes on. Maybe it is drawing a Barbie doll for a little girl, or pushing a young boy on the swing so he can reach for the moon. Maybe it is being a friend to someone who doesn't have one, maybe it is holding the door open for someone. Whatever it is... just love. The Bible says to love your neighbor as yourself. My youth pastor said once that your neighbor is anyone who is in need. That, really, is everybody. They might be in need of something as simple as a smile. Just love them. Whatever it takes and whatever it means. That is what I learned in Canada. To just let go and love. Through loving these kids, I learned what it really means to fall in love with Jesus, and I have thought so many times of how I left a part of my heart up in Mississauga. I had to learn to give my heart away. Because... you really can never, ever love too much.

be beautiful

2006-08-22T13:03:00.000-05:00

The president of mtv was recently quote as saying "We don't entertain your children. We OWN your children." There's something so wrong with the world we're living in... It is so heartbreaking. Kids ~ and adults, too, for that matter ~ will listen to anybody... just to have something to believe in. A girl who's waited all her life just wanting somebody to tell her she is beautiful. Anybody just wanting to hear that they are good enough. They'll go to such great lengths to be a people-pleaser, tearing up their bodies or giving themselves away or doing anything they think will fulfill what they need.

You don't need to please others though. God loves you just the way you are. He made you beautiful, He made you good enough, He made you exactly the way He wants you.

It is a popular thought that to come to God you've got to change whatever you're doing, make yourself clean... but that is wrong. God wants us all to just come as we are. He wants to make a miracle of your life, He will change you from the inside out. It is so beautiful what He loves to do with our lives when we just come to Him and give our hearts to Him.

We can't listen to what the media tries to convince the world of. We need to just listen to God and choose to believe Him. Listen and believe as He says to you, "You are beautiful."

Be broken and surrendered to Him. That is more beautiful than anything else we can ever do.

"this day"... todd proctor

2006-08-17T15:24:00.000-05:00

"this day is the day You have given
this day is the day i embrace
this moment awaits to be lived in
for moments too quickly will fade

never again will there be now
never a better time to say
i want to please You, show me how
i want to serve You with this day

this heart is a heart that is beating
to walk, to delight in Your ways
for passions of earth, they are fleeting
so i reach for the prize that remains

never again will there be now
never a better time to say
i want to please You, show me how
i want to serve You with this day

right here, right now i seek You
right here, right now receive You
right here, right now i bring You all of me..."

We have got to live our lives in the time we've been given. We have not been promised tomorrow... make the most of today. Make sure you're right with God and others, and seek His face always. Live your life to the fullest.

cars and contentment...

2006-08-16T18:31:00.000-05:00

"Cars" was the movie I waited all summer long to see... last night I finally had the chance to go and see it, and I have to say that (aside from a few lines, etc. that should have been left out...) it is my favorite of all the movies I've seen this summer. Yes, it did have some stuff in it that really isn't typical of Pixar, which surprised me, although I'd read a review in World Magazine along those lines. But as a whole, I really enjoyed the movie.

The message of the movie, about taking the time to slow down and enjoy life, was great. And another major theme of it was that winning is not everything... living in the "fast lane" leaves you empty and thirsty for something more. I think there are so many people out there who could stand to learn the lessons that the little red racecar, Lightning McQueen, learned in this movie. I think it is something we could all stand to learn and relearn at some point in our lives. It is so easy to get caught up in living your life, and then realize that you're too busy for everything and everyone you truly enjoy.

I love the small-town feel found in Radiator Springs too. Where everybody knows everybody else, and where they will go out of their way to help each other out and try to be an encouragement. Maybe loving that small-town feel comes from growing up just outside of a small-town myself ever since I was about 9 1/2... But whatever the reason for my love of the country and small towns... sure, places like New York City and Chicago are fun to go and visit, just to get to see the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. I love historical stuff like that... I had such a fun day learning about the immigrants who came through Ellis Island and getting to sit on the benches where they sat, and searching through records from the ships for my great-grandpa's name... But as far as living there, that is just not me. Not really. Not at this point in time, at least. I don't know where God will take me in my future... maybe even to a different country that I've never even been to yet. Maybe some place like China or Cambodia, for all I know. Maybe to a big city in Brazil. Maybe Chicago or New York. Only God knows. But I'm content with where He's placed me, with where He wants me at this point in my life. I'm finishing up school and have a job there, and I get to be involved with my church in so many ways, mostly with the kids there... because kids are my life. I am so content with them... Not content with where I am with God, because I want to be constantly growing more and more into who He wants me to be, but I'm content with what He gives me in my life. My family, my friends, my church, my home,... my God.

Why should I go looking all over the place, searching high and low for my heart's desire, when it's either in my own backyard or I never really lost it in the first place?

So anyway, I really, really loved the message of contentment that was portrayed in "Cars." I guess I got off on a little rabbit trail there for a minute... When I began writing, I wasn't quite sure where I was going with it all. I just sort of start writing and let it go... I like to just listen to whatever God puts in my heart that I need to write out.

"all that i can do"... by bethany dillon

2006-08-14T13:24:00.000-05:00

"i ran around the room again
i ran outside, then i ran back in
and i just couldn’t get away from myself
i don’t care what tomorrow brings
i won’t back down from anything
i want to think that I was made for something else
i can’t wait anymore
i’m ready to reach
so i’m closing the door
behind me

all that i can do
is hold onto You
and to follow where You lead
where You’re leading me
all that i can do
is hold onto You
and let You bring me through
it’s all that i can do

there are days i think i don’t need You
there are days when i can’t see the truth
i need You to save me from the lies
because every thought that’s in my head
and even when i draw my next breath
You knew it all before there was time
i can’t wait anymore
i’m ready to reach
so i’m closing the door
behind me

when the waves begin to rise
and all my hope fails
in confidence i’ll close my eyes
trusting You’ll be there"

enjoy life... session with francis

2006-08-13T17:49:00.000-05:00

*Logan Hall... boldness, willingness of babysitter... the big picture
*don't miss God's creation and how amazing it is
*trust God ~ He knows.
*God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." ~ John Piper
*love God's laws ~ Psalm 119
*His laws lead to life
*stop making His laws look like something that is a pain ~ show the joy of following His laws
*cookie... eating to the glory of God
*laughter
*look at what God made & how fun it is to follow Him
*that same God is in love with us
*love to talk about Him
*enjoy Him
*Luke 10:... 17-20... came back filled with joy
*the joy of knowing your name's in the Book of Life
*Ephesians 2:8-9
*we should have joy more than anyone on earth because our names are there
*imagine the impact of everyone living joy
*whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God

... those are my notes from Monday night, during our session with Francis Chan.

Francis came in that night and he immediately began to tell the story of this girl from his church who began babysitting for a family... I don't remember exactly how it all fit together, all the details, but he told about how this young girl knew that this family didn't go to church and didn't know Jesus. So she began inviting them to church. They eventually came and then pretty soon were inviting their friends too. Both families all became followers of Christ. Then one day (the day of this session), the little boy in the second family fell off his bike and ended up having to go to the hospital. He was hurt pretty badly, and as he was in a coma, the doctors said that there was something else wrong that had been hidden in his brain before that, and the fall from his bike wasn't the only cause of it all. Throughout the next couple of days, Francis would give us updates on this little boy, Logan Hall, and by his last session with us, Logan was still living, but the doctors had said that even if he did wake up, he would never be like he had been before. His family was having a hard time with the whole thing, as is to be expected, but they were so full of joy and peace at the same time. At one point, his sister whispered in his ear that either way, if he lived or died, it was a win-win situation, because if he lived, he'd have more life to live, and if he died... he'd be with Jesus. That is a huge thing. I think that so often we tend to forget what it's all about.

The reason that little girl could say that was because of the boldness and willingness of the girl who was babysitting for their friends' family, because she invited them to church and the Hall family consequently got invited afterwards. She could never have known the impact she would make through being willing to let God work through her. She didn't know what the big picture was, and we still don't know what the true big picture is... it is even bigger than the whole thing with Logan.

Francis took a package of cookies, opened it, and began to eat one. With his mouth completely full, he described to us how it tasted and just how much he enjoyed eating it... he commented on how amazing God is... He could have made us to soak up our food out of the ground like a plant, but He chose to make us to eat, and to enjoy it. He commented the same way on laughing. He was like "What is a laugh??" He laughed in several different ways, and commented that it is really fun to laugh.

Living for God is fun. What ever made us stop seeing the fun in it?! What makes us look at God's laws as something we have to follow instead of a joy? We focus so much on what we cannot do, instead of what we can and get to do, and on the blessings God has given us... why complain? The world is so full of complaining, instead of joy, and if we just learned to live in His joy... look at how different life would be! We'd see that abundant life, life to the full, is right here in front of us, and we're just too busy complaining to see it. Who really wants to go through life always searching for something to complain about? Not me! I'm too busy having fun with the blessings of God... make the most of it. God wants us to enjoy life. That's why He's given us all the senses we have. It is why He made us like He did. Enjoy it.

duct tape... session five, shawn mcbride

2006-08-09T09:51:00.000-05:00

*Genesis 3
*Satan wanted to get Eve to doubt God, then deny what God said, then disobey and do it her way
*She focused on what she couldn't do
*cake & duct tape
*Romans 8
*ladder

... My notes from Shawn McBride's session, Monday morning.
Shawn McBride always has some great illustrations to help get his point across.. this time he used the illustration of duct tape. When you first stick it to something, the tape is really sticky, but the more you peel is off and stick it on something else, the less sticky it becomes and it starts to not stick to anything as well. It gets dirt and stuff on it from everything you have stuck it to. It is the same way with ourselves. If you just go around and have 5 million boyfriends, you are going to have junk sticking to you, just like the tape. He was making a point about the fact that you should not get on the ladder (another illustration) that leads to more and more and compromises you. But I personally want to take it further than that...

There is nothing wrong with having a boyfriend or girlfriend, and I don't want to be misunderstood as saying that there is. But even if you keep your relationship completely God-honoring, if you have a boyfriend and then break up, then get another one and keep on with this cycle... sure, maybe you have still kept your life pure, but your heart is still getting torn up. I have personally never had a boyfriend, and I'm alright with that. I am alright with it because I know that God has something great planned for me, something that is better than anything I could ever dream up myself. When I someday do have one (provided God has that for me...), I really just want to only ever have one "boyfriend"... I wouldn't want to be that close to more than one guy. Maybe I'm weird... but that's okay. I'd rather be weird and know that I am following what God wants me to do. I cannot understand why people want to be that close to so many others... Lisa Velthouse commented that so many today are asking the wrong question.. they are asking "How far can I go?" when the question should really be "How much can I save?" That is the question I'm asking. How much do you want your future husband or wife to save for you?? Don't they deserve the same from you?

As Shawn said, so many are focusing on what they can't do, rather than what they can do. Focus on learning your heart, so that you can in turn eventually share your heart and learn to share somebody else's. Don't rush through your life. Take your time and make the most of every second. Learn to really love others deeply, from your heart. (1 Peter 1:22)

smell the flowers...

2006-08-08T14:26:00.000-05:00

Unless it's storming really bad, if I have the choice between stopping in the car to get the mail or walking down our driveway to get it, I nearly always will choose to walk. I love walking down the driveway to get the mail. I love walking out there when it's the first day I can go without a jacket each spring, and I love it when it's the first day that I actually need one again in the fall. It is so beautiful to walk along the driveway and smell the rose of sharon bushes on either side as I walk to the road and back. It is just something nice and relaxing... don't rush it, just take your time. Enjoy the beauty of God's creation all around. I love to see the butterflies and the leaves... tomatoes and strawberries in the garden, a wildflower along the road... I love it when you can feel the breeze... Take the time to enjoy what God has given us. He's chosen to bless us with it. Let Him know that you love and enjoy it.

"shine"... by salvador

2006-08-07T13:13:00.000-05:00

"i woke up to another day
another day to celebrate
Your beauty and your mystery
it’s more than any eye can see
i’m not the man i was before
with You, my life is so much more
break the chains and open doors
to a world i can't ignore

Lord let me shine
shine like the moon
a reflection of You
in all that i do
Lord let me be
a light for Your truth
Light of the world, i wanna be used
to shine for You

as simple as a passing smile
or listening a little while
to someone that's convinced
that they are in this all alone
here's my chance to share the news
to introduce the good that's You
here You go again, You never cease to blow my mind

You're the love that we all need
You lift us up to our feet
You hold the key to eternity
the King of Kings alive in me"

my hope is built on nothing less... session three, nick vujicic

2006-08-07T12:44:00.000-05:00

*Isaiah 61
*Jerermiah 29:11
*Psalm 139
*John 9
*Isaiah 60
*Matthew 10:19
*"With God all things are possible."
*"Our hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness... on Christ the solid Rock I stand..."
*rise and shine in the circumstances where God has placed you
*hold on to the goals and dreams God has given you
*commitment then provision
*you influence people for good or bad
*John 3:16
*your mouth is powerful ~ you can either build or destroy someone
*hands & feet...
*God has called you to rise & shine
*trust Him.
*Psalm 37:4: "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

... Those are my notes from listening to Nick Vujicic speak on July 23 at BNYC... Nick is this 23-year-old Aussie guy who was born without arms and legs. It was incredible to get to see him and how much he can do. You can get a lot out of seeing him and thinking... "wow, he doesn't even have arms and legs, what am I complaining about?" but that wasn't the point of his message. He focused more on the way we go about our lives and influencing others for God.

One comment he made that I loved was something about how God has used a guy without arms and legs to be His hands and feet. God has helped Nick to live in the circumstances he has and use those circumstances for God's glory. He mentioned that God has called us to rise and shine for Him. Shine like the moon and reflect Him, as Louie Giglio would put it. We just have to trust Him with our lives. Sometimes that is hard, but... it is so worth it.

Nick said he wanted every girl there to know that they are all beautiful. (for more on that... read Ted Dekker's book, The Martyr's Song...) They don't need to change who they are to please somebody else, because God made us who we are and gave us our dreams... When we delight our hearts in Him, He is going to give us the desires of our hearts. That is not to say that God is going to give us everything we ever thought we wanted or grant us wishes like Aladdin's genie, but He will change our hearts as we delight ourselves more and more in Him. He changes our hearts and consequently what our hearts really desire so that they reflect what He wants us to desire. The more we are delighted in Him, the more we are who He wants us to be. Use where He has placed you in your life for His glory, and use it to shine for Him.

the way of the Master... session two, ray comfort

2006-08-06T17:05:00.000-05:00

There really isn't a whole lot to say about Ray Comfort's session... It was so fun to get to see him in person, rather than just on the dvds, but what he shared is not really something I can write a whole lot about. Get the Way of the Master dvds, and that pretty much covers what he said.

There is a quote he mentioned that I want to add though: "Have you no concern for others to be saved? ~ If not, then you're not saved yourself; be sure of that." ~ Charles Spurgeon

It is an interesting concept, and my first reaction is almost to think it isn't necessarily true. But then as I considered it... if you are truly a follower of Christ, and you know what is coming for you, and what is coming for those who are not followers of Christ, how could you not be concerned and want them to know Christ's love?

whose will for you are you following?... session one with francis chan

2006-08-06T16:08:00.000-05:00

*Colossians 1:9 ~ "For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding."

*Colossians 1:13-14 ~ "For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."
2 Thessalonians 1:6; Matthew 7:21; Matthew 7:13-14

*Make sure you're living to follow God, not others, living up to their expectations & being too popular

*Go against the popular way

*Whose will for you are you following?

*Deny your own life to pick up His cross for you

*Do you even want to really know God's will & desire for you? ~ do you trust Him enough to go for His will instead of your will? ~ remember who God is & who we are & how big He is

*Will you follow His way even when it's completely different from everyone else's ideas?

*Do whatever He wants you to do, don't wait for anything

*Ecclesiastes 5:1-7 ~ "Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong. Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words. When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it. Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the temple messenger, 'My vow was a mistake.' Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands? Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God."

... Those are my notes from our opening session with Francis Chan at BNYC this year. I so love how he makes it all personal and applicable to our lives. He shared that earlier this year, he told his congregation in Simi Valley that he needed to step away from his position as pastor for a little while because as much as he loved being there, he needed to be sure that he was staying there to follow God. Maybe it sounds drastic, but he wanted to make sure that his life was on track with where God wanted him to be. He didn't want to stay there because it was what everyone else thought he should do. He wanted to do whatever God called him to do.

It makes me think of that song by Avalon... "I don't want to go somewhere if I know that You're not there, 'cause I know that me without You is a lie, and I don't want to walk that road, be a million miles from home, 'cause my heart needs to be where You are..." that is the best description of it that comes to my mind. Don't do something just because it seems to be the popular consensus. Really be listening to God and wanting to follow His will for your life, not somebody else's will for your life.

It is so easy to go a certain direction because it just seems like what everybody thinks you need to be doing, but that is not what following God really is. Do you really want to know what God's will and desire is for you... even when it is completely different and in the opposite direction of what everybody else tells you... do you want to know it even then??

We need to honestly mean what we are saying to God. Don't make a commitment just because it feels like what you should do. If you know you are just going to break it the next day, then God would rather have you not make the commitment at all than make it and break it. Nobody likes to be promised something and then have that promise broken. Why should God be any different and actually like to have promises made to Him broken? Make sure that you mean what you say, and that you keep looking to Him for His will... not to others. No matter what it might mean, His way is truly the best.

Francis had this great computer program that showed what the earth would look like from billions of light years away, and as he showed us the picture of the earth getting smaller and more obscure, as the Milky Way faded into so many other galaxies, he said... just look at how big God is. He made all of this, and still we stand on this tiny ball of dirt and water spinning somewhere in space and say "you know, I really think my way's better"... the absurdity of it is so great. What makes us even think that we could begin to know the better design for our lives?? Keep your priorities in line and follow God's will for your life.

"a better way"... by downhere

2006-08-05T14:56:00.000-05:00

"i'm not alone,
i really believe
You never go,
You never leave
here and now,
You always stay
'I love you' could not be said
a better way

it's everything You've promised
there's no greater love than this
from prophets until today
a man laying down His life for His friends
Your sacrifice has spoken,
You gave everything
and 'I love you' could not be said
a better way

i am forgiven, i clearly see
it's why You came to do all you did for me
trading earth with heaven, You took my place
'I love you' could not be said
a better way

because You redeem,
i know what's to come
everything i could lose here,
You've already won
so You have my surrender,
with passion obey
'I love you' could not be said
a better way"

let's go to the movies...

2006-08-03T16:13:00.000-05:00

This past Tuesday night, I went to the theater with my family and watched "Over the Hedge" and "RV"... we ran into some friends while we were there, and they knew somebody who worked at the theater, so in between the two movies, we got to go upstairs where they have the projectors and all. It was so cool to be able to see how the films are played and where they are stored up there, etc. A projector bulb costs about $700 to replace... (just a little something I learned up there...)

I think I've seen more movies in the theater and/or drive-in this past year or so than probably in the last 3-4 years combined! Not that there is usually that much worth going to see..

Anyway, I wasn't sure at first about "Over the Hedge" because I don't go for Shrek, and it's by the same people. But it ended up being pretty good. There was stuff (in both "Over the Hedge" and "RV") that could ~ and should ~ have been left out, but they were still both good, and they had excellent messages, which is not something you can say about so many movies these days. "Over the Hedge" was all about this raccoon who at first takes advantage of the other forest animals, tricking them into helping him collect food to pay off a big bear because of RJ's (the raccoon) selfishness and greed. He got most of them obsessed with all the "bigger" & "better" stuff that he introduced them to, giving them the impression that the grass is greener on the other side of the hedge. It ends up eventually that they learn to trust their family, and they learn to be more content with what they have. And RJ learns the value of having a family and what loyalty means.

"RV" had Kristen Chenowith in it... I got to see her last year at a Women of Faith conference, so it was cool to see her in a movie now. It started out with this little girl playing puppets with her daddy and then telling him that she's never going to get married because she wants to always stay with him. Then it jumps forward several years to when she's 15 with a bad attitude. Her whole family is constantly fighting. Through a series of events, they end up renting an rv and driving together to Colorado... fighting and complaining the whole way. They meet this other family, who homeschools, and is at first portrayed as somewhat eccentric and they keep trying to run away from them. By the end of the movie, though, they have come to enjoy the homeschool family's company, they've learned to appreciate and love each other and actually get along, and (I love this!!)... the kids are saying, "can we be homeschooled??"! :) I love how both of these movies show the value of a family and how they don't put it down like so many do now.

At one point toward the end of "RV," the one lady is describing her marriage to Kristen's character and she says, "We just became sort of business associates in our marriage, you know? Like... 'Did the plumber come? Can you take Cassie to school?'" And I love the look on Kristen's face as she looks at her "husband" and shakes her head. She says, "No... No, I don't know what you mean." It is so beautiful how they didn't let the romance fade or become obsolete between them.

"made to worship" by chris tomlin

2006-08-03T10:33:00.000-05:00

"before the day, before the light
before the world revolved around the sun
God on high
stepped down into time
and wrote the story of His love for everyone
He has filled our hearts with wonder
so that we always remember

you and i are made to worship
you and i are called to love
you and i are forgiven and free
you and i embrace surrender
you and i choose to believe
you and i will see who we were meant to be

all we are, and all we have
is all a gift from God that we receive
brought to life
we open up our eyes
to see the majesty and glory of the King
He has filled our hearts with wonder
so that we always remember

even the rocks cry out
even the heavens shout
all the sound of His holy name
so let every voice sing out
let every knee bow down
He’s worthy of all our praise"

"captivated/deeply in love"

2006-08-01T10:37:00.000-05:00

"in my life
You've heard me say i love You
how do i show You it's true
hear my heart
it longs for more of You
i'm falling deeply in love with You

You have stolen my heart
i'm captivated by You
never will You and i part
i'm falling deeply in love with You

You and i, together forever
nothing can stand in our way
my love for You grows stronger each new day
i'm falling deeply in love with ~

You have stolen my heart
i'm captivated by You
never will You and i part
i'm falling deeply in love with You"

... i wish i could post the author, but i don't know who it is. i love the song though; it is one that we took on our missions trip to Australia 3 years ago.

learning from a dog...

2006-07-31T17:50:00.001-05:00

When I play my piano, our dog, Whitaker, loves to come and lay down on the floor either behind or beside me and listen. Sometimes he goes to sleep, and other times he just lays and listens... Either way, though, I enjoy watching as he takes the time out of his barking at my little brothers and chasing them around the yard or house and lays down to just do nothing and listen to music. It's not the fact that it is my music... just the fact that he loves to sit there and listen. It kind of amuses me, yet at the same time, as silly as it sounds, it inspires me as well.

I love to listen to music, but I find that in my life I sometimes get too busy to just stop and notice the little things. God has placed so much beauty in our lives, and it is just sitting there, waiting to be noticed. God didn't make His incredible creation for us to just walk on by. He made it to be enjoyed and made the most of... just as He didn't make us to throw our lives away or to be wasted, but He made us for Himself to enjoy. We need to live so as to glorify Him in all that we do. He wants us to trust Him and let Him have our lives to make the most of them, but so often we ignore Him and just walk on by...

Why is that so easy to do?? We were created by God, and for God...

"For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him." ~ Colossian 1:16

So.. why can't we just live that out in our lives? Genesis 1:27 says "So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." He would never have made us in His own image if He did not like us and did not enjoy us. We need to live our lives in worship to Him.

bonfires & boyfriends... be different.

2006-07-31T12:14:00.000-05:00

On the last night of Awana camp (Friday), we had a bonfire with a testimony time to share what God had taught everyone during the week... It was such a good time, even though it was pretty cold. The time leading up to the bonfire, though, was absolutely hilarious. Throughout the week, my girls had been discussing how they "liked" several of the boys on our yellow team, and then when it got to like Thursday... Luke (who is a friend of my brothers, lives around the corner from us, and went with my family to camp) asked Abi (one of my girls) if she would go to the bonfire with him. And Benny asked Julie if she would go with him. They both said no, but then Julie was going on and on about how she wanted to just be friends with Benny, and why couldn't they just all go to the bonfire as friends, because yes, she liked Benny, but so did Jennifer. I had to smile. I mean, these are 11 & 12 year old kids!! Come on... why have a "boyfriend" when you're that age?? I haven't ever had one and I'm 22! It just struck me as funny that they thought it was such a big deal thing about whether or not to "go to the bonfire with him." We were all going anyway. Why does it matter who you "go with"? Anyway, those are my girls... Yeah... they were telling me all this and asking me what I thought about it and what they should do, because they didn't want to go with them, so I told them there's nothing at all wrong with going with everybody just as friends. ~ which is my personal belief.

Some girls are so obsessed with having this need to have a boyfriend, but I can't figure out their so-called "need" for that, because... God is going to bring you what you need, when you need it. I think it is good if you are not obsessed like that, and if you are not searching desperately for a boyfriend. It is good when you don't dress so as to try to get the attention of every guy who walks past. I can't see why anybody would want to have that kind of attention. When I someday have that... I want to only have the attention of one guy, and I want to be the only one that has his attention. That is the way it is meant to be. God didn't make us to have 10 billion "boyfriends" so you can break up with them every other day. That is not His desire. The only thing that would do is bring you hurt, and make you feel like you have less value. It would make you begin to believe that giving your heart away to every guy you meet is okay and the norm. And you know... these days, I guess it is the norm. But I don't want to be part of that norm, I want to go against it. I want to be different, and I want God to shine through that difference. So that is what I am choosing to be. Different, and a shining light for my God.

"You are God"... by Todd Proctor

2006-07-29T16:03:00.000-05:00

"beyond what eyes can see
and minds can ever know
beyond what's right to me
and all i can control
transcend the mystery
of You the Holy One

and even in the shadows
i will sing to You
even in the struggles
i will cling to You
even in the questions
i will worship You
'cause You are God
You are God

You are God
Your ways are higher
Your thoughts are deeper
Your reach is farther than i know
Sovereign God
through every season
for endless reason
i call You worthy, You alone
You are God"

~ todd proctor, 2006

Nicaragua...

2006-07-11T11:30:00.000-05:00

Let me see... where to begin?? We left Friday, June 23 and the trip down to Managua, Nicaragua was great, and the worst thing that happened was that one of our students lost his luggage (it caught up with us about halfway through the week). The girl we were working with down there (who's from Indiana but goes down to Nicaragua pretty frequently) met us at the airport and we went to the Quinta, where we stayed. There was also a group from Indiana there at the same time as us, so it was cool to get to share stories with each other about what we were doing throughout the week.

Saturday morning we drove to this community called Los Brasilos (sp?) where we learned how to tie rebar and toured the children's home and the village. We got to spend a lot of time getting to know the children's home kids and also the village kids over the week, and I made friends with one little boy in particular; his name is Fernando and he was about 4 yrs old... Later that evening, we went to church in the same community, and we sang three songs in Spanish for them.... we didn't think we did all that great on our songs, but they all loved it.

Sunday... church started at 3 (but everything runs late down there because the culture is so much slower paced than here in the U.S. and nobody is in any kind of hurry there) so in the morning we took some time to go to the market. We had a lot of experiences there with people begging, and one lady followed us all around the market asking for money for shoes for her baby, so one of our girls went and bought some shoes for her. It is so sad to see how the people are so desperate for anything they can get. When we went to church that afternoon (it was an inner city church) we got to walk through the school that they have in the church there, and meet a couple of girls about my age who are in college. The service was so unlike any church I'd ever been in... the Nicas (Nicaraguan people call themselves Nicas) pulled us all up front with them and by the end we were all up there dancing with them. It was amazing because even though we know almost no Spanish and they know almost no English, we had the opportunity to join in with them in the way they praise God, and just to know that it is the same God who created us all and who we praise here, if that makes any sense. Hopefully you can understand what I'm meaning! We sang there too, and did a drama and some of the girls did a dance. We went out for ice cream after church just to cool off a little... we were all dripping in sweat (no exaggeration) and our clothes were soaked (eeeww, gross, but oh well, it was great).

Monday was our first major workday, and we tied a ton of rebar that morning, then spent our afternoon in the children's home getting to know the kids there. It was cool to use the little bit of Spanish we knew (a word here and there) and their occasional word of English to help us all learn more about each other and how to better communicate with them.

Tuesday was basically like Monday, except we cleaned and painted these huges beams that are used for support for the roofs there, and some of our guys mixed cement and laid some blocks for a house. We had some girls braid the little Nica girls' hair and paint their nails, which they loved. They wanted to paint our nails then, and they all loved to get their photos taken. (and to take photos themselves!) We went to a little rural church that evening, and the people there didn't know we were coming until just before the service. This was my favorite church that we visited... It was definitely the smallest building, but it was so packed and they were so generous and loving toward us (not that the other churches weren't.... but that was just something that really stood out to me at this church. When we left, it was so obvious the impact it had had on us all.) These people were absolutely crammed into that little building. They were standing in the doorway and hanging in the windows. The little girls went around passing out flowers to us all and one sat on my lap as our students did a drama. (And we sang...) At the end of the service, we gave out candy and bookmarks to all the kids there, and then they all wanted us to sign the bookmarks for them.

Before the church service that evening, (or was it Monday?) we went on a "field trip"... I have to just say that it was unlike anything I had ever done before. Cecil and Sarah (the Indiana people who organized our trip for us) took us to a garbage dump outside Managua. There are over a thousand or two people living there in the dump, and it is just so unlike anything you'd normally see here. It is so sad, we saw tons of little "houses" and tons of people digging through the garbage. Isak, our bus driver, told us that they dig through it not just for food, but for glass, plastic, and anything else they think might be worth something, then put it in bags and sell it, and that is how they make money. (not much money, but still it is better than nothing I guess is how it works) Isak told us about the kids who sleep on the piles of garbage and then the trucks come to dump more and they don't look, then just dump the garbage on top of the kids and they die like that. It is so heart-breaking and I think we all had tears in our eyes as we drove through that place.

How hard to go from that to our "play day". Wednesday, though, was our tourist day and we started out by going to this old fort from like 1893 and got to tour it. That was cool. I love history, and it was really interesting and so beautiful. Then we went to Granada and went on a boat ride around the islands there. (A monkey jumped on one of our boats...) We ate lunch and shopped a little, then went to Catarina, where you could also do some shopping at the little vendor booths and we saw the crater lake, which is an absolutely lovely view. We went out to a Nicaraguan restaurant and the food was definitely different than we are used to here.... some was really good, but some of it I think you just have to be from there to really enjoy it.

Thursday... we spent some time with the children's home kids and the village kids in the morning, and then after lunch we set up our carnival. We'd planned for and expected about 150-200 kids, and then something like 500 showed up. We had simple little games like the fishing pole game where you get a prize at the end of the fishing pole, the duck pond game, face painting, a bean bag toss, etc. That was the plan, anyway. The second we started handing out prizes for the games, the whole thing turned into a huge mob and it was pure chaos. We ran out of prizes and then ended the carnival with some of the children's home girls and some of our girls performing a dance that the Nica girls had taught the others. Thursday night... um, after dinner, 3 of us girls (and also Sarah, who planned our trip) started to not really feel that great, and I ended up being pretty sick. Thankfully our other girls were feeling better enough to go along on the next day's activities, but I ended up staying home at the Quinta from everything on Friday and spent my day laying in the hammock on the back porch listening to music some, but mostly sleeping or trying to sleep. My team, though, put on two ladies' teas, and then went to church that evening. I don't have much of a description on that because I was sick and not there. Saturday we flew home (thankfully feeling a little better, although still not great) and that went really well. Our plane got in at about 9pm and my dad had come back from camp to pick up my sister and me.

We spent the night at home and left at 6am Sunday for Awana camp (3 1/2 hrs away), and got there just in time for the Bible class he was scheduled to teach at 9:30. I got to meet my girls (there were 7 in my cabin) and they were so sweet. One had many special needs and was kind of in her own little world, but we worked with her and helped her learn her Bible verses throughout the week. My other girls were really good with her too, so that helped a lot. I was the Co-Captain of the Yellow team, which meant that I got messy a few times in various competitions, but hey, it was worth it. I think the best part of the week was Friday night when I had the opportunity to pray with one of my girls, Margaret, when she made the commitment to share Christ with others. That was so exciting.

I got home Saturday night (July 8th) around dinner time and am so exhausted. Feeling better now, but just not back to normal yet because I've had no time to just rest. Thank you all SOOOO much more than I can tell you for your prayers. It means so much, and it has been incredible to watch as God worked in our hearts and through and around us in the past two weeks. One lady in Nicaragua (after our "carnival") was in tears and she had us all hold hands (there were about 4 of us there with her) and then she prayed for us and thanked God for bringing us there and for what we were doing down there. To see and hear her and just know that we felt like we didn't do anything and like the carnival didn't go as we'd planned.... it went as God planned, and it moved her heart. It was incredible.

to see some of my pictures... click here!!

praying for you...
~ Tara
*John 3:30*