hard times..

"the joy of the Lord is my strength." - Nehemiah 8:10

It is something I have learned before.. and I am learning at this moment that it really is something that I have to constantly be learning again and again. I'm really hurting right now. I know God has a reason and a plan, even though I don't know exactly what it is. He wants to grow me through this hard time though, and I don't want to stand in the way of letting God use this for my good. I don't even quite know how to describe the way I am hurting. I think I feel like I just lost my best friend.. and then I realize.. I did. At least one of my very best friends ever. A friend asked me today after church if I was okay, because she could tell something is not right. I told her I was okay though.. but I think she could see through my facade. I'm not myself.

Just pray for me, please. To trust God, to still have my smile, to be willing to let Him use this time to teach and grow me. I want to let God have all of me - not that I didn't before, but I think that needs to be a major focus. I want to be effective and productive for Him.

I need a hug. In a really huge way.