when i'm a sparrow in winter..

"when i'm a sparrow in winter
You are the seed i find
when i'm a heart with a splinter
Your blood keeps me alive
if i could call You a color
Youd be the deepest of blues
if i had my pleasure of anything
You'd be the One that i'd choose

now it's crystal clear i'm falling for You
now that i can see the mystery's revealed
now i'm coming clean
i can feel my fears release
now it's crystal clear
i'm falling for You

i'm soft like clay
Your hands, they mold me
for You, i would run away
just to hear You calling out my name

... i'm broken and empty
without You i'm blinded
i need You
i need You near me
i need You near me

now it's crystal clear
i'm falling for You
now that i can see the mystery's revealed
now i'm coming clean
i can feel my fears release
now it's crystal clear
i'm falling for You

please catch me
i'm falling for You.."

~ "crystal clear"... recorded by jaci velasquez

Honestly, what caught my ear this time around on this song was the line "when I'm a sparrow in winter, You are the seed I find.." We have had so much snow lately. There's no ground showing, and by the looks of things, it is going to be a while before the ground does show again. It's this lovely, pure white out there... that is, where the snow lies untouched by cars and plows and sleds and all. I love when it's new and pure and white, and not that ugly gray you see along the roads.

Anyway.. the line about the sparrow got me thinking.. we've got bird feeders out, and I love watching as all the different kinds of birds come to eat. Cardinals, blue jays, bluebirds, even a woodpecker or two.. we've got so many kinds of birds out there. They come and find the seed we put out for them.. and that is what I thought of when I heard that line.. When I don't have any hope of food in sight, when I'm all alone.. when I have absolutely nothing left in the world, I still have Jesus. No, I've not actually been in a situation where I have had literally nothing in the world, but you know what.. I've seen plenty of people who are in that situation. The people I encountered in Nicaragua and their way of life is still making an impact on me, even now, when I've been home for what, 7 or 8 months now...

Matthew 10 talks about how God even knows how many hairs are on our heads.. nothing happens even to a little sparrow that He doesn't see. Matthew 6 mentions a similar concept, as the flowers we see in His creation are so lovely.. and yet if He makes them beautiful and takes care of them.. how much more is He going to take care of us, His children... He is our seed.. He is our Provider.

No matter what I'm going through in my life.. He is the One I can always rely on. He has proven Himself faithful to me over and over. He has my complete trust... I have no reason not to trust Him.

that's when i'll give up..

"no heartbeat is always steady
angels have halos already
please - don't think you're proving yourself all the time
i don't need you to be perfect
i know the wait will be worth it
you and me, baby, we're only just learning to shine

you should know
this my love
how far i'll go
here's when i'll give up..

when the sun is coming up at midnight
when the clocks have all run out of time
when the snow falls in june
that's when i'll give up on loving you
when the earth is finished spinning around
when it's raining up instead of down
when a dream can't come true
when the rivers all run out of blue
that's when i'll give up on loving you

you'll never run out of chances
i don't need you to have all the answers
love isn't something that has to be put to the test

love like this
can't be undone
i'm telling you
if the day should come

when the sun is comin' up at midnight
when the clocks have all run out of time
when the snow falls in june
that's when i'll give up on loving you
when the earth is finished spinning around
when its raining up instead of down
when a dream can't come true
when the rivers all run out of blue
that's when i'll give up on loving you

as you're walking through the world
you gotta know
i'll be with you everywhere you go
you can spread your wings or run back to my arms
i will always hold you in my heart, baby

you'll always be
a part of me
baby can't you see

when the sun is comin' up at midnight-
when the clocks have all run out of time-
when the snow falls in june-
that's when i'll give up on loving you..
when the earth is finished spinning around-
when it's raining up instead of down-
when a dream can't come true-
when the rivers all run out of blue-
that's when i'll give up on loving you..."

"that's when i'll give up (on loving you)"... recorded by natalie grant

I so love the poetry of this song.. these words hold such a promise..
Don't we all want to be loved like this? Sure, it's a "love song".. you could have somebody sing it in your wedding.. But besides just being love like that, like between two people you can see with your eyes.. this song is a beautiful picture of the way God loves us. So unconditionally. Whether we spread our wings or run back to His arms, He loves us. We don't have to prove ourselves, we don't have to be perfect. We don't have to put on an act. God loves us perfectly.

And.. the way God loves us.. we're meant to love each other in the same way. Without condition. True love is love without condition. There is no price. If the other person messes up, our love is to still be there for them. And when we slip and fall, they need to be there for us too.

I read this passage in a book the other day...
"'What if I don't want to be in love?' [Tom asked].
'What do you mean? Of course you want to be in love. You're human.' [Mikal answered]."
(~ Ted Dekker, Black, page 76)

See... we all want to love and be loved. We all want to be "in love".. It is so human of us to want that. Which is not to say that it's wrong of us. God created us to have this desire in our hearts for love. God wants us to love and be loved...

Honestly, the thought never even crossed my mind until just now that I'm writing this the day before Valentines Day. How silly is that.. didn't even think about it.. But then, I didn't really know what turn this post was going to take when I started writing. I only knew I needed to share that song.

Anyway, as we are in the season of valentines, red and pink hearts, chocolate, roses, and all.. I don't personally have somebody in my life who I'm close to like that. I don't have a boyfriend, and I never have had one. But that doesn't bother me. ".. I know the wait will be worth it, you & me, baby, we're only just learning to shine.." God's timing is always best. At this moment, He's still growing me into the woman He wants me to be, and the woman my "Gil" needs me to be. He's still growing my "Gil" too. I'm trusting God for all of that. It gives this song a whole new aspect.. sing it to the one you are going to love. Maybe I've met my "Gil".. maybe I haven't. Maybe I've met him but I just don't know it's him yet. God knows though. He's taking care of it for me, working out each little detail, and I don't have to worry about it. He'll take care of me always, because God is forever the truest Love I could ever have.

a picture of Aslan..

"in only a moment truth was seen

revealed this mystery

the crown that showed no dignity, He wore

and the King was placed

for all the world to show disgrace

but only beauty flowed from this place

would you take the place of this Man

would you take the nails from His hands

would you take the place of this Man

would you take the nails from His hands

He held the weight of impurity

the Father would not see

the reasons had finally come to be to show

the depth of His grace

flowed with every sin erased

He knew that this was why He came

would you take the place of this Man

would you take the nails from His hands

would you take the place of this Man

would you take the nails from His hands

and we just don’t know

the blood and water flowed

and in it all He showed

just how much He cared

and the veil was torn

so we could have this open door

and all these things

have finally been complete

would you take the place of this Man

would you take the nails from His hands

would you take the place of this Man

would you take the nails from His hands..."

~ "this Man"... by jeremy camp

I have loved this song from the first time I ever heard it, but.. my fascination with it grew when I saw "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe." If you have ever seen this movie.. think of the part when they are killing Aslan. Think of the look in His eyes. Think of the jeering and mocking and yelling of the White Witch's crowd.

One day this song of Jeremy Camp's came on the radio, I think while I was on the way to or from school, and it suddenly hit me how much the two relate - the song "This Man" and that scene with Aslan and the murderous mob. The song is talking about Jesus as He was led to His death on the cross that would bring about our forgiveness and life. And.. Aslan is a picture of Jesus. Aslan, like Jesus, held the weight of impurity - Edmund's impurity and selfishness, and our own - and since He chose to hold that for us.. the Father wouldn't see it. He forgave it all. The price was blood. Either Edmund's or Aslan's.. either our's or Jesus'. "The proof of Love, the price of grace, You traded all to take my place, and died for me so I could be a child of God..." ("Child of God" - by Todd Proctor)

"The depth of His grace flowed with every sin erased.. He knew that this was why He came..." Jesus knew. Aslan knew. As each sin was erased with His blood, His grace flowed deeply. Through how much we have been forgiven we see the true depth of His amazing grace. As cliched as that phrase is, it is so true. I don't want to ever get to the point that I think of amazing grace as a cliche.

Anyway, this view and scene of the movie and this song always make me think of each other now. I can just picture a music video that says it all so much better than I have, and without even explaining it. Just the song with the film edited into a video for it. (as I actually commented to one of my friends the other day as we sat and watched some music videos he'd made.. one was a video of Narnia, which was what brought it to my mind...)

It's something I encourage you to think about.. not the music video, but just the song and the movie, the whole picture they both paint. The picture of God's great Love for us. How great is our God. How great the Father's Love for us...

Would you take the place of this Man? Would I?? Could I?? Remember the look in His eyes. Remember as He silently pleads "Know that I Love you. Know that this is for you.." Those people showed Him such disgrace, such disrespect. They spit on Him, they made fun of Him. They taunted Him in every way they could. Yet He stayed there through it all, and He did it for us. My life is His. He gave it to me, and I want - and choose - to honor Him with it. If it doesn't honor God, then it is not going to happen in my life. No, that doesn't mean I don't sin. We all do. We're human. But it means that I am choosing deliberately to honor God with my life. I still stumble and fall. But I get back up again and again, and I know that He Loves me throughout it all.

Sing with me - how great, how great is our God...